Alex Branning's Blog

Zen Cart 2.0

2009-04-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

I released a new web site today at http://zencart2.com. This web site is basically a fan-site of the new Zen Cart 2.0 and it comes complete with forums, articles and a way for the Zen community to discuss the latest iteration of Zen Cart amongst themselves.

I'm stoked that I was able to merge WordPress and phpBB, that was a pretty difficult process but I got it working! :D

Alex Branning

2009-04-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Alex Branning has a new web site - waddup!

bblUrl - shortened URLs with a message

2009-04-07T11:22:00.001-07:00

bblUrl is a URL shortening service that displays a Bible verse at the bottom of the screen when you navigate to one of our shortened URLs! bblUrl makes it easy for you to subtly share the Gospel with your friends and family.

http://bblurl.com

Why bother going to church?

2008-07-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

Are you bored of hearing the same lessons, over and over again? I am.

Are you tired of wondering if the person you're speaking with is who they say they are, or an entirely different person on this one day of the week where we gather together under the Christian banner? I am.

Have you wondered if going to church is a necessary exercise or just a boring habit you do because you're supposed to? I have.

Have you wonderered what your life would be like without church; and came to the conclusion that it would be better?

I believe every Christian comes to a place in their life when they start to wonder if the weekly gathering is really a necessary part of their life. Maybe the questions begin because they're bored with the experience. Maybe the weeks pass by without attending a service and you don't notice a change in your life. Maybe you've done something you're ashamed of and decided to not go back. Maybe something terrible has happened to you and you withdrew from God's house and the people that claim to follow Him.

I've been through every situation I listed above, and each time I stopped going to church. I didn't notice a big difference right away, but over time (and in hindsight) I saw what church did to me. It made me a better person. Some people attend church weekly out of habit, and it is nothing more to them than an exercise in puffing themselves up or fooling themselves into thinking that they're ok.

I go to church because I know that the sermon I will hear will contain truth, conviction and good news (if they don't find another church). I go to church because there are a few people there that encourage me in my daily life to be the best person I can be...not the most successful, but the best. I go to church because I need it.

Why do you attend (or not attend) church?

How having a little girl has changed me

2008-05-07T08:13:00.001-07:00

I didn't expect having a little girl would change my view of the "big girls" but I was wrong. Holding Ali's little body in my arms after a bath and seeing women with no respect for themselves it really puts reality into perspective: these women were once the treasured little girl of a dad like Ali is to me now. I know it sounds really cheesy, but having a little girl has made me look at other women in a different light.

Ali has also really softened me as a person; I can tell that I'm much more patient now. She has a way of breaking my selfish spirit, hearing her seemingly endless cries of pain would take my nerves to the breaking point and I could feel my anger start to creep up, even though it wasn't her fault that she was ruining my night's sleep. I slowly began to have a change of heart; and while I'm nowhere near being a completely understanding man I have much, much more sympathy for her which has given me more patience outside of fatherhood. I was (and still am, if I'm honest with myself) a pretty selfish guy so to have this little butterball interfere with my sleep schedule and my "mommy-daddy" time would infuriate me, but now I can tell that I'm becoming a teensy bit more selfless. It's a process...

Having a little baby (especially an uber cute one) really draws the crowds; and with them the endless barrage of opinions on parenting! I have had to learn to firmly say "No" when people push (and push and push) for me to do parenting their way. It's made me a stronger man and forced me to learn how to deal with potential conflicts in a much more diplomatic manner. An added benefit: Kathy finds me standing up for my family and our beliefs is hot. ;)

Updates and Thoughts (holy crap I've posted 100 blogs on this thing!)

2008-04-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: We bought a new car! We got a beautiful blue 2003 Dodge Durango from CarMax; and we had a -great- car-buying experience. I highly recommend CarMax to anyone.

THOUGHT: I hate that I like the new Miley Cyrus song, "See you again"

UPDATE: I "upgraded" my phone to an old Blackberry (Blackberry 7250), it's fun. :)

THOUGHT: The movie Baby Mama is HILARIOUS!! "(pump fists on both sides of head) WOO WOOO!" ... LOL

UPDATE: Ali is 8 weeks old today and is the cutest baby ever...I love her more than anything in the world (besides Kathy)

THOUGHT: Great point from Pastor Chris' sermon - "A great way to find out what areas in your own life that you're struggling in is to take account of the faults you consistently point out in others."

UPDATE: My sis is in town and got to meet Ali, very cool to see my sis again

THOUGHT: I highly recommend that all of my friends have babies - they will break your spirit and crush all of your selfish tendencies and you'll be a better person because of it. :)

UPDATE: I'm sort of moving towards managing my own project at work - very very cool

THOUGHT: Whoever said that your dreams stop when you have a kid is an f-ing idiot. My dreams have only gotten bigger

UPDATE: I am embracing/dealing with my inner nerd

THOUGHT: I love spoiling my wife

Kathy

2008-04-16T07:10:00.001-07:00

I gotta write a blog praising my wife; she has just rocked my world lately. I am so proud of the job she's doing as a mother, she's a natural! I love her firm tenderness with Bean and her never-ending patience with her. Kathy has gone above and beyond to meet my needs and make me feel like a king, even as she's going through a rough time in her life (new baby + gall stones = suckage).

She has kept her quick wit and sense of humor through all the hard times. She has been so brave as she faces all the changes in her body and the drastic steps needed to keep her healthy. She's bounced back from the traumatic birthing process faster than I thought - AND she's lost all her baby weight plus some (how cool!).

I love you Kathy. I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

I spent yesterday morning in the ER

2008-03-31T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was woken up at 1am by Kathy saying, "Alex, Alex, I'm in pain. It hurts!" She was clutching her stomach, pleading with me to help her make the pain stop. We tried a few different positions and I tried rubbing it, hoping it was a muscle ache or something, but nothing worked. The pain got more and more intense. Kathy started to scream out in pain; and I started getting scared.

Kathy thought that going to the bathroom might help (she was willing to do *anything* at this point to make the pain go away). As she sat down, she started throwing up. Things were getting a lot worse, fast.

I quickly went to the computer, looking up "stomach pain after delivery" thinking it had something to do with her just giving birth; but nothing was coming up. I thought it might have something to do with her appendix or maybe with her organs returning to their original places after delivery. I was on the computer for about three minutes when I heard the screams of pain come back. I gave up trying to fix the problem and decided we had to get help; and it had to be now.

I told Kathy to get ready to go, I'm taking her to the emergency room. I grabbed our sleeping baby (I have no idea how she stayed asleep through this whole thing) and we left our house around 1:45am. As soon as we got in the car the pain went up a notch and she started having a lot of trouble breathing. Kathy was gasping for breath; rolling down the windows trying to get enough oxygen to breathe. At that moment my mind flipped a switch, and I was able to emotionally remove myself from the situation and focus on fixing the problem; and the problem was that my wife's life was in danger and I needed to get help.

I sped from our house to the hospital, covering the ten miles in under seven minutes. Kathy didn't get any better during that time; she was writhing in pain and had no idea what was going on. I pulled up to the Emergency Room and helped her out. She stumbled into the lobby and I grabbed Ali from the back seat (I don't remember putting her in the car, everything was a blur). We raced in and had to fill out paperwork before she could be seen. She was moved to the top of the list and she was attended to pretty quickly. The nurse admitting her asked a series of questions to make sure her life wasn't in grave danger, and said "I'm sorry but you'll have to wait a few minutes while we find a room. Be patient."

We walked back into the emergency room lobby, and Ali woke up. I held her and tried to get her to stay calm, I knew the last thing Kathy needed was a crying baby. Unfortunately Ali was hungry and Kathy was not in the position to feed her; so I grabbed our "emergency food" and started to give Ali some formula - she didn't like it but she dealt with it. After eating, Kathy held Ali close. The pain had begun to subside a little; instead of sharp pains shooting throughout her abdomen and back the pain had become a dull, constant pain. The most endearing moment EVER happened around 2:35am; Kathy was holding Ali and just looking at her. Ali reached out her hand, put it on the spot of Kathy's abdomenen where the pain was and just looked up at her, as if to say "Are you ok?". It was so precious, somehow Ali knew that Kathy hurt right there.

Over the next few hours they ran Kathy through some tests and figured out that Kathy has gall bladder stones. I didn't know this, but it runs in her family. So now we have to be very careful what we eat so we don't "anger the stones" until we find a way to either dissolve them through alternative treatments or remove the gall bladder altogether.

So, that's what happened.

Fatherhood (so far)

2008-03-21T10:40:00.001-07:00

I can not believe Ali is only 18 days old. It seems like she's always been in my life; there's a temporary block on my short-term memory without her around (either in Kathy or after birth).

I love my daughter so much. It's a totally irrational love because she doesn't do anything except poo and sleep; but my love is unconditional for her. The moment I held her for the first time my entire paradigm shifted; I was no longer the center of my life. My hopes and dreams all revolve around her now and my focus at work has increased dramatically because I am so driven to succeed for HER and not for me. It's indescribabe.

It's been an awesome eighteen days; but MAN it's a lot harder than I thought! No one bothered to tell me that newborn babies wake up every two hours to feed, so that was an unwelcome surprise :P. I haven't gotten more than five hours of sleep a night since she's been here, it was really taxing on my body (and my nerves) at the beginning, but now my body is adjusting.

My guy friends warned me, "Dude, diapers are gonna suck!" but those aren't that bad. Maybe I just have a high tolerance for for obscenely bad odors and poo-stained baby bottoms?

I can summarize life as a father in one word: selfless. I no longer even have the *option* of just caring about my own needs now that she's here! It's great, I love it! I highly recommend it to everyone; it'll change you for the better or break you (most likely both, honestly).

The birth of Ali

2008-03-08T17:43:00.001-08:00

On March 3rd, 2008 my life changed forever. At 4:39pm my daughter Alexandria Victoria joined us, healthy and weighing in at a plump 9lbs 7oz. Of course, those facts just tell the end result, the full story is so rich and full of memories!
At 7am (almost on the dot) on Sunday morning (March 2) Kathy woke up thinking she had to go the bathroom and was met with a gush - her water broke! She woke up with a joyful, "Alex! Alex! My water just broke, oh my gosh! oH MY GOSH!" We both sat there for a second staring at each other with this look of "this is really happening??". A couple hours went by and Kathy hadn't had any contractions, we were starting to get a little antsy. Kathy knew she had a long, hard day ahead of her so she suggested we got get some Jamba Juice so she get a nutritous, easily digested meal before the long, hard delivery process began. On the way to Jamba Juice we picked up her mom and brother; headed to Jamba Juice and came back to the house. On the way back to the house she started to get some very minor contractions. We pulled up to the house, clicked the garage opener button, and...nothing. Hit the button again. Nothing. We didn't bring the set of keys with the house keys on it because we were in such a rush to get out the door, and it's never been a problem before. Come to find out the power to the entire neighborhood was out, so we were locked out of our house!!! On the day that Kathy is giving birth (at home!) we were locked out!! So I took Kathy and her mom to a local coffeehouse so she could sit in a comfortable chair and I took Jimmy with me to Wal-Mart to buy a tool to break into the small side door on our garage. As we were checking out, the cashier looked at us with suspicion: "Ma'am, I'm buying this wrecking bar to break into MY house...my wife is in labor right now, and..." She interrupted, "Y'know what? I don't wanna know!" We completed the purchase, picked up the women and headed back to the house. At the last possible second (after two unsuccessful attempts) the garage door opened and we were able to walk in without causing any permanent damage. Whew!
Kathy took a seat on our recliner and the contractions really started kicking in. Her friends Jenna and Christin were there to encourage her and help her keep her mind off the pain. Hours went by...more people trickled in, we watched some Friends episodes, Kathy baked brownies (yes, while she was in labor Kathy was baking to occupy her mind). I was having a harder time with the impending birth than Kathy was, I was really stressing out! Kathy was calm, and every five to seven minutes she'd stop what she was doing, take some deep breaths and continue on. It was amazing, she was so strong!! Things started getting really interesting around nine PM, when Kathy's midwife showed up.
Justine Backhaus was our midwife, her job is to be there for Kathy during labor to guide, comfort and encourage her. She gave Kathy some tips and left shortly after she arrived because Kathy wasn't that far along in her pregnancy. Justine encouraged me and Kathy to rest; she had been in labor for approximately 12 hours by this point. Me and Kathy laid down to rest, and the contractions started to get really intense. Kathy couldn't sleep if she wanted to, even though she was starting to get exhausted. The contractions got more and more intense; one particular contraction caused her to break the tank of our toilet (bad timing for the contraction to come...). We were instructed to call Justine when the contractions were coming one on top of the other, that would be a sign that things had progressed to the point where it would be almost time to get in the tub. We called Justine around midnight, informing her that the milestone had been reached. By the time Justine got back, she checked Kathy and gave us demoralizing news: Kathy hadn't made any progress in the last 4 hours. Kathy was exhausted, and this news broke her spirit. Justine tried to assure Kathy that she could do this; and I urged her to press on. We re-arranged the bed to make it more condusive for Kathy to rest and be in a good position for the inevitable contractions. Kathy pressed on, and went through five more hours of intense contractions. By this time (7am) she had been in labor for almost 24 hours, had thrown up twice, and her body was beginning to shut down. She couldn't hold down food or liquid, and Justine told me privately that if we didn't see fast progress soon we would have to go the hospital. At this point Kathy refused to give up, fighting through every contraction and doing her best to stay positive. Around 11am another midwife came to assist Justine, and Kathy's body was spent. She could barely keep her eyes open; the only time she looked at me was to express pain. Her eyes screamed "Help me!" and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I began to emotionally break down; excusing myself to the restroom to cry in private. My wife was doing the best she could, but she was going through so much.
One o'clock rolled around, and things were nearing the end. Kathy couldn't take it any more, and her body was still rejecting any nourishment. Justine couldn't insert the IV correctly so we couldn't give Kathy nutrients at all. At this rate, she wasn't going to make it to delivery. Around 3:30pm me and Kathy accepted the inevitable and prepared to go to the hospital. As Kathy was being assisted by her friends and the midwives, I wept in my mom's arms. I was broken.
I drove Kathy to the hospital and we pulled in around 4pm. We were quickly admitted and a nurse came in to check on Kathy. This nurse was cruel and rough, mocking our choice to try and have the baby at home while checking Kathy's dilation with no tenderness or concern for her pain. Kathy was 8cm dilated; this baby was coming quickly. An IV was inserted into Kathy's hand so she could have nourishment and Kathy immediately got a second burst of energy - she could do this! Fifteen minutes after arrival we were wheeled into the delivery room. The room quickly filled with nurses getting ready to catch the baby. Kathy's legs were spread and bent, instrutions were given to grab the handles and lean forward. An oxygen mask was put on her face and all the nurses started shouting instructions. I stayed up by Kathy's head, my mouth inches from her ear and I was whispering encouragements and passing on the instructions to her as she continued on. The big moment came...a nurse called our doctor to inform him that Kathy was to the point of pushing.
Our doctor came in and calmly instructed Kathy to start pushing. Following his cue the nurses around us started shouting out the exact same instructions; which I whispered into Kathy's ear. It took her two attempts before she got the hang of the pushing thing; and she gave it her all. After only two they could see the baby's head, on the fourth her head was out and Ali joined us on the fifth push. We had been in the hospital for 39 minutes, and Ali was here. Kathy did it! No drugs, most of it at home. I was sooo proud! Ali was placed on Kathy's chest after she was cleaned off, and I snapped a picture with my cell phone.
Yay!

Baby pictures!

2008-03-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

I am a warrior for my family, my God and myself

2008-02-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

I'm reading through a book called "The Blessings of Asher", which goes in depth about the tribe of Asher and the blessings that have been promised to it (it's basically a book talking about Christians and wealth) - and one of the points it made really got me thinking!

"God wants you to go to war for your family and for His battles"

Whoa! From a man's perspective; that sounds awesome! I get to fight for what I believe in, fight to protect my family and for my beliefs. As I day-dreamed about what that entailed I became overwhelmed at the responsibilities that I have as a father; but that's a whole other blog post.

Musings of a life-long religious person

2008-02-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

I have been a religious person all of my life; for as long as I can remember. I think I first talked out loud to Jesus when I was five, kneeling by my bedside in my family's apartment in Maryland. Since that time I have followed the teachings of the Bible religiously (no pun intended) and have rigorously defended its' truths and teachings in verbal and written debates.

However, as everything does after a long period of time, my faith has gone stale.

I don't know if there's a time I can pinpoint as to "when" my passion waned or the flame turned to a flicker, but I'm not longer excited about my faith. Do I still believe the same? Yes. Am I doubting the validity of my faith? No. Am I stoked every morning that I have found the Truth and that I have been set free? ...no.

With a cooling of the passion comes a relaxation of the standards or morals that one abides by when following a faith. I've found myself sinning a little easier. I don't mind grabbing a free refill with an old cup, I contemplate sneaking into movies or leaving a restaurant without paying. As petty as those actions are, and even though I don't act on these thoughts, the fact is that two years ago I never would have let these thoughts find a resting place in my mind. Sure, they pass by - but I would quickly escort them out.

So what does this mean? What am I going to do about it? Frankly, I don't know.

I have seen the lives of friends that have come to the same place I am in now and they have walked away from their faith. I don't want to become that person or live that life because it sucks. My once-happy friends that were living in the faith-based "bubble" of restricted actions broke out of that bubble and into a life of sin...and they are so miserable it makes me depressed to hang out with them sometimes. Say what you want to about the restrictions of Bible-based living, but the people I know that follow that lifestyle are happier than those that don't.

In conclusion, I'm going to keep walking the path of righteousness simply for righteousness's sake. I'm not going to change my life, run away from my responsibilities or pursue sin. But I'm not as excited about my lifestyle as I used to be.

The end.

Disclaimer: Only read this if you are married or about to get married...cause it is not appropriate for all eyes.

2008-02-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Sex in Marriage is Awesome/Hard/Fun/Routine/Exciting/etc

I haven't blogged about sex for almost a year! A year ago I had been married for only six months; in the past year I have learned so much about sex (from all angles). I came into married sex with quite a few false expectations and assumptions; and it caused a little strain and a lot of laughter between me and Kath. So I figure, what the hey, I'll share what my false expectations were and what I found to be the case for me and Kathy.

False Expectation Number 1: Sex is an activity
While having sex is an activity; it turns out sex (or at least good sex) is more of a conversation. At first it's really awkward to talk when you're "doing it" but giving your partner instructions and/or encouragement really improves the quality of the experience! When Kathy first gave me orders, I was offended. My thought was something like, "Excuse me, I'm the man so I'm the leader so you just do what I say!" After the, er, experience I realized that if she's enjoying herself I enjoy the sex a lot more. I'm not sure if it's just me, but telling Kathy what to do in the bedroom didn't feel right at first - but after we got in the swing of things we found that giving helpful instructions about what to do really enhanced the sex! Lastly, sex is such an intimate act it cheapens it to just tie "sex" to intercourse when it's so much more than that!

False Expectation Number 2: You're not supposed to talk about sex with other people
If you've hung out with me or Kathy a few times, chances are we've talked about sex at some point. We really enjoy it. But it wasn't always the case, we used to be bashful about it until we opened up one day and realized that -everyone- likes talking about sex but we're all worried that it'll be weird! I have learned quite a bit just from talking to my married friends, it's awesome!

False Expectation Number 3: Sex will just happen
Wow, I was so off on this one. I went into marriage thinking that sex will just happen - I'll look into Kathy's eyes and just know what she wants and vice versa. So not true. There are definitely times when we just look at each other and hastily make our way to the bedroom; but that's not usually how it goes down. Someone once told me, "Alex, sex begins when you wake up and ends that night when you go to sleep." The point this guy was making was that sex is not just the act of sex, but it's an intimacy thing that needs to be massaged all the time so that Kathy feels close to me and wants to be one with me (and vice versa).

False Expectation Number 4: The sex dies after a year of marriage
I heard this so many times it just got drilled into my head: my sex life will collapse after the one-year mark because the "spark" is gone and the newness has worn off. The newness does wear off, but the spark doesn't have to die; but it needs to be fanned into a flame in different ways as the relationship matures. When we first got married hot sex was the norm because of the newness of it; now the great sex comes after a teensy bit more work - but it is so much better than it was when we first started. Don't buy the line that the sex dies, weakens or becomes routine - it doesn't have to; and you need to take responsibility for keeping the spark alive!

False Expectation Number 5: "Quickies" are a no-no
Do not underestimate the power of a quicky. I always heard the term "quicky" with a snarky tone from the ladies, so I assumed it was a bad thing. Sometimes a quicky is a quick-fix for sexual frustration or a lack of closeness. I think a lot of the negative feelings about quickies come from women who only get quickies from their man...bummer.

Goodbye Gadsden Villas; Hello Cerisa Street!

2008-01-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

Well our move went surprisingly well! We were able to pack up, load the truck and get everything in our house in six hours (including eating)!! We now have the daunting task of unpacking everything...ouch. Me and Kath had to take a day of rest on Sunday so we could just recuperate, both of us were sick on moving day.

A HUGE thank-you to Kyle, Kristen, Jimmy and my Dad for helping out.

The only that will make it better is a new attitude

2008-01-10T08:04:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this to myself...but feel free to listen in on my thoughts! ;)

I'm not sure if it's an American thing or what, but the mindset of "once I accomplish this task" or "get this thing" everything will be better is so prevalent it's sad. It's in my own life, so I empathize with those who suffer from it! Happiness is not achieved or found with a ring on your finger or a new child; stress doesn't leave when your credit cards are paid off and contentment doesn't come about with money in the bank.

Hoping that the next milestone will cure any ailment is a silly notion, but for some reason we keep falling for it. If you're struggling with loneliness, believe me marriage doesn't solve that problem it just gives you a roommate to whine about your loneliness with. If your marriage is suffering adding a kid to the mix won't help! Going off on a rabbit trail, I think adding a kid to the mix amplifies the current state of the marriage - if your relationship is strained it will only get worse; and if you're happy you'll only get happier (don't quote me on that! :P).

Anyways, I'm embarrassed to admit that I find myself ignorantly thinking "once the credit cards are paid off I won't be stressed about finances anymore." What a stupid thought! After the credit cards are paid I'll find some other financial burden to rest on my heart; unless I find contentment with my financial situation.

Pregnancy from a man's perspective

2008-01-08T19:52:00.000-08:00

Many of you have been reading Kath's updates on pregnancy and getting a first-hand account of what life is like during pregnancy from her perspective - it's time for the life of pregnancy from a man's perspective!

I get sporadic questions from my guy friends; and they all seem to fit under three categories (guys don't need to know a lot, we just need the basics).

Life Around the House: In the first three months not much changes. After the morning sickness wears off the body starts changing drastically - her hips started widening, her belly grew and her feet went up like three sizes (I remember buying new shoes for her like three times). After month five, WATCH OUT! Kathy's belly grew at an astronomical pace, and her mobility went to zero. I described the change in her body to say this - my work around the house increased quite a bit, and I wasn't expecting it. It wasn't that she didn't want to do stuff around the house, she couldn't! If you're get her pregnant, be prepared to work.

Sex: Your marriage reaches a true test come pregnancy because both of you will reach your limits of sexual frustration. My desire for Kathy grew during the first three months - much to my dismay because her nauseua prevented much action. The pregnant mom's desire and ability to have sex almost comes to a complete stop; but the dad's doesn't. As the dad has to work extra hard around the house, the Mom has to work extra hard to make sure the Dad isn't too sexually frustrated. Kath has gone above and beyond to keep me satisfied, and I love her for it!

Emotions: So far the pregnancy has been an absolute BLAST! I love seeing Kathy grow and her body change to accomate Ali. The pregnancy has been really smooth, and we have had so many fun times. Kath's emotions are on a roller coaster (but not as bad as people said they'd be). The Bible says to be a leader you must be a servant; and this pregnancy has brought out the servant in me!

So that's a very quick overview of pregnancy from a man's perspective.

I learned a life lesson from Sweeney Todd

2008-01-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

I did not go to see "Sweeney Todd" with the intent of learning (or being reminded of) a crucial life lesson. I went with the sole intent of being entertained and finding out what the heck a horror musical was. Throughout the movie I was covering my eyes from the gore; but in the last five minutes the life lesson came shining through to me...

SPOILER ALERT!! I AM NOW GOING TO REVEAL THE ENDING OF THE MOVIE!!

At the end, after Sweeney Todd realizes that he killed the very thing he was living for (his wife) he cradles her head in his hands and looks at her with an empty gaze. I was contemplating what could possibly be going through his mind at that moment: disgust with himself, sorrow, bitterness, anger, depression, self-hatred, etc. As he looks at her the young boy Sweeney and the pie maker had taken in grabs Sweeney's weapon of choice and kills him with it! Sweeney had let his hatred and bitterness take over so much that, in the end, it killed everything he held dear including his own life.

The life lesson is this: if you let an emotion or attitude control you it will destroy you. Any emotion, any attitude, any mindset - given enough power of you, will destroy you. Anger, bitterness, lust, hatred, regret, depression, sorrow; even "happy" or "positive" emotions can have a crippling effect on your life!

So, that's it. That's what I learned. I hope I didn't ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it (*blush*).

Let's talk about Santa

2007-12-20T11:55:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year again, and all through my office building Christmas songs blare out and tell me more about this 'Santa' guy than I want to know. This guy has got to be the most twisted perv in the world. Why? Here's the facts (as I heard them):

1) He wants to give gifts to all the children of the world - no adults, only children.
You say, "how cute" I say how gross! I don't want an old, strange man giving gifts to my kids!

2) He sneaks in everyone's house after dark
If that doesn't give you the creeps I don't know what does.

3) "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"
OK, seriously...this guy has some major voyeuristic issues...and he's watching little kids!! Hello??

4) He greets everyone by calling them a "ho" three times
This Santa guy has very little respect for women, or thinks everyone isa prostitute

5) He stays away in some far off land with only his antelered-friends and plans his one-night excursion
So he plots all year-round for this one night of "free toys for children"?

6) He wants all the little boys and girls to sit in his lap
...need I say more?

Great Sex is not an activity; it's a conversation

2007-12-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

I have done a pretty extensive "study" on great sex; and I have no one to share it with! So I figured I'd blog it and let the world in on what I've found. Heck, it's a fun topic to talk about! ;)

Talking to sexually-active males, I've found two basic attitudes about it:

Sex is all about me getting my orgasm
Sex is all about us getting our orgasms

Neither attitude is right or wrong; they're just different. Both attitudes come out of each individual at one point or another, but one is always stronger or more prevalent. Some guys think their goal is mutual satisfaction; but they really are just after getting their orgasm and getting some encouragement along the way.

I think the difference between the two attitudes is how the sexual experience is viewed: either it's an activity for fun or a conversation between two bodies. If it's an activity, there's a goal in mind. If it's a conversation; there is a lot of "listening" and reacting to the other person's actions.

I've found the best sex is achieved when the two people are having a conversation with their bodies; the conversation can be angry, passionate, excited, love, soft, etcetera.

The life of a good guy sucks until you die

2007-12-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Every path in life that we choose has painful consequences; obviously some are more painful than others. The only path in life that I can talk about from experience is the life of the "good guy"; which most people wrongly assume is the bland, easy way to get through life.

Yes, most good guys do not make many enemies by directly interfering with their life; but we still make enemies. Some dislike me for the direction in life I did not take because it means that there was a choice to go down the road they took. Going against the grain and not giving into temptation pisses a lot of people off and alienates "friends" who think that with the right amount of pressure you can be changed to become just like them.

By nature, the "good guy" doesn't hurt women; but we usually have to help clean up the messes. Good girls usually go for the bad boys before they settle down with the man they want to spend the rest of their life with. The good guys reward? Being the last in a list of lovers.

The stories of hot, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex burned my ears, wet my appetite and was thrust in my face, but I never went for it. My reward? Nothing but some congratulatory "high fives". Was it worth it? It will be after I die and get to hear "well done," but until then the pain and regret pound in my chest.

Staying away from parties was never hard, but I wonder what I missed.

When my child comes up to me and asks me which path in life will cause the least amount of pain, I have no idea what answer to give. If life had only two paths or good or bad; I know that the good is pain without memories; while the bad is pain with memories. Pick your poison, I guess.

Marriage Counseling is not an admission of failure

2007-11-19T09:52:00.000-08:00

"Oh, so you guys are going through some hard times?"

That's the common reaction I hear when I tell others that me and Kath are going into marriage counseling; it's assumed we are having major issues. We want to have a comfortable, open environment where we can feel free to talk about certain things and get some advice from a couple we respect so they can help us see things clearer.

Me and Kath are such huge proponents of counseling; it has saved our relationship numerous times! Counseling gave us an outlet for our frustrations as we were learning to grow together; and our counselor(s) were able to offer a different perspective to each of us so we could see where the other person was coming from.

Counseling is not an admission of failure. Counseling is not admitting to "major issues" or an imperfect marriage (wait, who has a perfect marraige?? :P). I would encourage every married couple to see a counselor so they can give their relationship a "tune up"!

Kill me before I die

2007-11-16T14:04:00.000-08:00

I was reading one of the blogs on the site I'm working on now (buzznet.com) and the girl said, "I have no ambition...does that make me a bad person?". I pondered the question; and came to the conclusion that she's not a bad person - she's a dead person. What is life without ambition; without hope or without plans? I can't imagine living my life without some kind of a path to walk down; even if I know full well that my plans can and will be changed in a whim by Someone more powerful than myself.

As I walk the dirty streets of downtown Hollywood I see the remains of many dreams in the eyes of the transients begging for my leftover coins. The pathetic displays of the beggars used to annoy me; now they give me motivation to work hard so I don't become them.

A co-worker is always chasing the easiest skirt or the quickest lay; his heart is dead and his reputation is nil. That is not the life I ever wanted; nor do I want to end up like him.

Kill me before I die.

Dooming yourself to fail

2007-11-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

I've known many people who have doomed themselves to fail because of their attitude or their outlook on life. You've met them: the chronically pessimistic, the arrogant know-it-all, or the compromising "go-with-the-flow" person. All of these people fail time and time again because they set up each situation so that they have no chance BUT to fail!

The chronically pessimistic person sees life through dark glasses, blinding themselves to any positive outlook or any glimmer of hope. These people never establish healthy relationships and they are constantly worried about their few friends abandoning them or betraying them (and they rarely develop new, intimate relationships). From a Christian's point of view, these are the faithless - they may say they believe God will take care of them but in reality they don't expect anything good to come in their life. I'd pity their misery but they have dug their own ditches by either over-reacting, unforgiveness or allowing paranoia to eat them alive.

The arrogant know-it-all is the saddest of them all because this person has convinced himself that they are always right - which leaves out any possibility for growth, constructive criticism and positive change in their lives. They may vocalize a humble spirit, but their actions and attitude speak otherwise. God warns us over and over against a prideful spirit, and these people are walking examples of the consequences of this lifestyle.

Lastly, the most pathetic group in my rant is the compromising "go-with-the-flow-ers", the people that do not have the willpower to stay away from harm. With a little prodding you can get these people to do almost anything or give up on everything. *sigh*

Did I miss anything?

Blogs that make me mad, part 1,366

2007-11-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I was reading the most popular blogs on myspace today (I pick one or two based on the title) and I came across this doozy that really infuriated me, only because the principle of the blog is so widely accepted.

The blogger was telling the story of a friend he knew who would sleep with her exes because she needed sex but didn't want her "number" (number of lovers) to go up. So she just wanted sex for sex's sake, no strings attached, but didn't want to be thought of as a slut by her next lover(s) because her "number" was high. I'm sorry, but if you're sleeping with dudes (or dudes sleeping with chics) just to get laid you're a slut.

The thing that made me mad is this perception that sluttiness is a number; it's an attitude. If you're having sex outside of love, you're a slut. *angry sigh*

Fatherhood : Pending but Exciting

2007-07-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, me and Kathy are going to be parents in 8 months! YAY! News like that affects you in a big way (duh); it completely changed my perspective, goals and mindset on life. My wife became much more beautiful to me after I found out the news, it's hard to explain. My financial situation suddenly became a much more urgent thing to fix. Any family problems I had became more servere; I want my family to be able to bond over the new little one when he/she enters the world. My job is no longer a pain in the butt, it is now the means by which Baby Branning will be taken care of. My dreams haven't subsided, to the contrary my desire to pursue them has grown even more so that I can give Baby B a comfortable life without poverty.

This news has also really changed my perspective on myself. I've begun evaluating myself and my new role as a father: am I cut out for it? Am I ready for it? Will I be a good father? Will I continue to be a good husband? How will I change? Am I mature enough for this? What characteristics should I focus on changing before I become a daddy?

I am SO excited to meet my child. I love the idea of being a parent, I'm excited for the opportunity to be a parent, I'm scared of the responsibilities I'll have being a parent and I can't wait to experience the joy of being a parent. I know Kathy will make a great mother (or else I wouldn't have married her); I just hope she doesn't forget about her husband! :P

My Battle Cry

2007-06-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

Men are born with a 'warrior' mindset, we want to do battle with our foes and protect the people we love. This warrior mindset, along with everything else, was given to us by God so it should not be ignored or fought against. Many Christian men take on a pacifist mindset, taking the lesson to "turn the other cheek" too far and becoming a human doormat (in some cases this is necessary, but that's another blog). Christ was a warrior, in fact He was a great example of a ruthless soldier who took no prisoners; but his battlefield was not natural. He mercilessly sought out and destroyed demonic influences on people's minds, bodies, and souls - His weapon was prayer.

You and I can also use this weapon against our foe. Too many of us (me included) view prayer as solely an 'ask and thou shalt receive' tool and overlook its usefulness as a weapon against our enemy(ies). Prayer isn't a weapon like a sword, it's more of a weapon like a battle horn - we're calling for backup!

When Christ was afflicted, saddened or was weary He would go into a private place and pray - not eat, not drink, not play video games, not watch TV, but talk to the Father and release all of His concerns.

I have really felt the pull into intercessory prayer (prayer for others); especially for the people I love that have been pulled into addictions or mindsets that I have seen and/or struggled with. I'll pray almost to the point of tears for those losing the battle with alocholism, pornography, pessimism and sexual sin. Lately I've felt called to pray for marriages, as I said in a previous blog Satan hates marriages and wants them all to come apart (or never start) - so I plead on others' behalf for marriages to be strengthened.

1 John 5:14 - "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!

2007-06-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

God loves joy! One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy; God is referred to numerous times as 'pleased' and other synonyms for happy, and we are commanded to be joyful. So why are some Christians such a drag, and how do we avoid falling into that trap?

There are people you need to prepare yourself for because they're such joy-zappers - you know the type! When you greet them you're happy and high on life, when you leave you walk away with not even a smile on your face. Usually the joyless attitude is explained away as "realism" or an "analytical" mindset, but the end result is a joy-zapper (and Christian "realists" should be the happiest people because we know the reality of God's love for us and what that means in our day-to-day lives, right?). I love hanging out with my step-brother because we constantly make each other laugh and are continually lifting each other up; but some Christians I know will just wipe that smile off your face!

One of my favorite characteristics I love about my wife is that she makes me laugh; I mean we have so much fun together! It could be a mundane task like doing the dishes, but we make it fun! We've both experienced the joy-zappers, and we're not about to fall into that mindset - our marriage would be a drag on our lives if we did.

Lastly, God invented pleasure. Everything that gives us happiness and a smile on our face was put here by God for our enjoyment: food, sex, love, nature, go on down the list and God put it here for US! We screw up by taking these pleasures and experiencing them at the wrong time or in the wrong degree (gluttony). God wants us to be HAPPY, that's one of the most freeing and satisfying truths in the Bible! Live life, and smile!

2007-05-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

What happens to you does not define who you are; how you react to the situations you're forced to deal with reveals who you are. We all have a tendency to want to overcome a wrong done to us by indulging in self-destructive behavior; but following these instincts will only lead to even more pain down the road. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I used to hang out with the 'bad' crowd and I'd often hear excuses like, "Well, this-and-this happened to me so I turned to [a self-destructive behavior] to numb the pain." Our self-prescribed sin medicines don't help us; but yet we continue to be drawn to them out of desperation or because society tells us these things help us overcome our pain.

I've outlined a few of the most common wrongs done to us and the self-destructive behaviors that tempt us following these events. The 'biggest' and 'baddest' compromises are drug use, sex, alcohol and violence but our temptations can also include equally devastating outlets such as a change in our mindset or walking away from God because of what's been done to us.

Divorce: After a divorce, the kids left over from it are left with a huge void in their lives that they look to fill with something, anything to numb the pain left by this betrayal. The mind-set the kids have to fight off is worthlessness and that somehow it's their fault.

Sexual Molesting: When one is taken advantage of for their sexuality, their worth as a person is devalued in their mind - you must fight this! Just because someone else only sees you as a sexual object you are so much more than that!

Mini-rant: When one person of the opposite sex (or same sex) touches you without invitation, you have been molested whether you are a guy or girl. Girl's unwelcome advances on guys are dismissed by society because guys 'like it' or 'just want to get laid' so the guys keep quiet to avoid being labeled a fag (or worse). Guys have to constantly fight society's message that we are nothing more than lustful animals looking for sex, because once we devalue sex and categorize it as only a physical act we are devaluing ourselves and breeding a negative mindset that will come to fruition once we are tempted again.

Being called names: Labels followed me around, trying to box me into these destructive mind-sets that something is wrong with me or that I am nothing more than a sexual being. We all have to overcome the poisonous words of others and not take them on as truths about ourselves.

Physical abuse: If we've been abused by our parents (or anyone else) it takes a lot of effort to keep our spirits up and our anger down. Children that are physically abused usually abuse their own children because they think it's OK, or they just didn't deal with the hurt, humiliation and hate that accompanied the bruises.

If you're a victim of any of the above wrongs, you need to find people to lean on that will be there for you as you work through this stuff. Stay strong, and do not go down (or return to) a self-destructive path.

PS - If you've already started going down the road towards drugs, alcohol, sex or violence it's never too late to turn your life around. Your past does not define who are! The great thing about grace is that it makes life unfair.

God Loves Sex. Satan Loves Sex. I Love Sex. Discuss

2007-05-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the power of sex, and its far-reaching implications in every aspect in our lives. You know, God made sex and He loves it because it brings two married people closer together. Satan loves sex too - because its power can be used to destroy us.

When I was in college, I hung out with self-described 'sluts' (both male and female) and got the opportunity to learn about sex and what it does to people who choose not to follow God's plan for sex. I was young, I was tired of 'religion' and I wanted to hang out with fun people so my 'posse' was the 'fun' crowd. Most of the people I hung out with were happy, bubbly and had a lot of sex (I was the odd ball that wouldn't put out, but I'll get to that later). When you got to the place where they'd open up in private about how their lives, most of them were wrecked with guilt, shame and regret over their lives; and to be honest I didn't understand their predicament. They were letting their body lead them, they satisfied every desire - how could they not be totally ecstatic about life? That brings me to the meat of my blog...

God Loves Sex
God made sex, and He wants us to have a lot of it - with our spouse. When God designed sex, He made a tool that would affect us in so many ways - physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally and spiritually. God didn't give us any restrictions inside the marriage bed, we can do whatever we want! The sexual freedom is great, and the safety that marriage provides is breeding ground for experimentation (so don't listen to people who say sex with just one person is boring!).

Satan Loves Sex
Reviewing what we've already discussed, sex is powerful. It affects our entire persona, our entire being. The Enemy would love nothing more than to use it as a tool to destroy your life! Once you allow extra-marital sex into your life, you're in serious trouble. If you have sex before you're married, you will regret it - because you know you've done wrong (especially if you've been brought up in a religious environment). I don't need to warn you of the dangers, you know them already. Let's talk about the after-shock of immorality; the payments for your deeds. Most can rattle off the emotions that go through your mind after you're done (guilt, shame, etc) but we don't like talking about the long-term effects of sinful sex. I think that if the long-term effects of sinful sex weren't so destructive, Satan wouldn't care as much about getting us to fall in this area. The long-term effects include your children following in your footsteps, the memories, developing sexual habits that follow you into marriage (bringing your pre-determined ideas and/or favorites into your marriage could devestate your spouse) and multiple spiritual effects that I won't get in to.

Satan Hates Sex, Too
Satan hates sex because he hates successful marriages. God set up marriage as the foundation for societies, so Satan must destroy marriages to wreak havoc on society as a whole. One of his favorite targets is the marriage bed because of the power that it holds in our lives and the intimacy it develops between spouses. If you've given the enemy a foothold in your sex life, you need to watch out because he will attack your married sex life!

Your thoughts?

Poverty

2007-05-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about money a lot recently, and one of the main topics I've been contemplating is poverty - poverty in finances and poverty in Spirit. There are many reasons for financial poverty listed in the Bible: oppression (or fraud), misfortune, judgment, laziness, gluttony, and the acceptance of a life of poverty. All of these factors could arguably come as a direct result of your disobedience with your finances; for God commands us to give a portion of our finances away for His glory. One man put it, "poverty is holding on to your money" which may sound like an oxymoron to some, but upon further study of the Scriptures has a ring of truth to it.

One of the questions I posed to a friend who was complaining about lack of finances was, "How much money are you giving away, because I bet you need to give more away before you're blessed with more." The concept is ludicrous to those who do not understand the Biblical concept of financial wealth, but I have found it to be true in my own life.

One of the hardest lessons me and Kathy learned was to give out of our lack; or give when we have nothing to give. When I was unemployed for five weeks after moving back here on faith, I was confused and a little hurt that God would me in this situation. Kathy came up with a great idea (that I thought was a little nutty): "Let's give to God and thank Him for bringing us out here and taking care of us." I figured I'd try it, and God kept giving us great opportunities to give. After like ten interviews with no call-backs, the money dwindling to nothing and my hope almost gone, me and Kath decided to give half of our remaining monies to a friend in need. Soon afterwards (I think it was the day after) I got a call back and was hired at a *great* job! What's the lesson? You never 'do not have enough to give.' If you don't have enough to pay your bills, it's all the more reason to give!

Following the same line of reasoning, poverty in Spirit comes from not sharing what God's given you. Why would God bless you if you're unwilling to share His gifts with others? It is not in God's nature. There's so much more to say on this, but I have to get to work.

Please share your thoughts. I hope I didn't offend anyone but I pray I convicted at least one of my readers. ;)

Scientific Proof?

2007-05-14T09:04:00.001-07:00

While browsing the most popular religion blogs I come across a lot of atheists' blogs talking about how their beliefs are founded in 'reason' and 'scientific proof'. I thought about that for a second, and how 'reasonable' their beliefs are.

If you do not believe in a higher power you must shrug off the impossibility of matter just existing (how'd it get there?). Once you've accepted that scientific impossibility, you must then develop the faith to believe that this matter was pulled together by a force (gravity) and then "exploded" (actually expanded) into becoming our universe, earth and all. Most will tell you there is some order to this expansion (known in your science textbooks as the 'Big Bang'), but they have no idea what makes the rules or sets the order (some refer to 'nature' as being a higher power).

Now let's talk about life on earth and how it got to be what it is today. Most evolutionists (they can be different from atheists) believe that earth started in a 'primordial soup' environment, and very basic atomic elements combined with other very basic atomic elements to form the first 'living' organism (probably a protein of some kind). These mutations were advanced by an energy unseen (probably the sun and/or lightning) and continued in a rapid succession on a path to advanced life forms.

Fast-forward a few million years and our earth is now filled with basic organisms. There is one thing missing: intelligence. Where does intelligence come from? Let's ignore this huge gap and continue on our evolutionary journey. We have now made the jump from the most basic of life forms to a fish (granted, this took somewhere in the neighborhood of millions of years). For this to be possible, there must be an addition to the gene pool of the specimen. You can not get a more advanced specimen without there being a positive, beneficial and gene-increasing mutation. How can an organism make its way down the evolutionary path without accumulating more information/materials/genetic structure? Has this transformation ever been witnessed in a scientific lab? No.

I could go on and dissect every claim, every necessity for the evolutionary tale to have some merit but I'll stop here.

Read more at evolutionisimpossible.com.

When You Say You Love Me

2007-05-10T07:41:00.001-07:00

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breathe.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

Thoughts that have gone through my mind recently

2007-05-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

I do not have the intellectual capacity to fathom the enormity of God's goodness

I hope that one day I understand the magnitude of "All things are possible for those who believe"

Jesus Christ is perfect theology

I still have not figured out why, in the eyes of many Christians, homosexuals are evil and people who have sex before marriage are not

If you've accepted Christ as your Savior you are no longer a sinner; so please stop referring to yourself as one

The prayer, "None of me and all of you" is valid at its face, but before you were saved God had none of you and He didn't like it

If you're not looking at the past through the lens of Jesus' sacrifice and what He's done for you, you are deceiving yourself

Why is it that Christian funerals always include "it was their time to go"? Jesus messed up every funeral he ever attended, including His own! Maybe it wasn't their time, but no one has the faith to "raise them from the dead"?

The disciples in the Bible made a lot of funny mistakes that make me feel better about myself

Hearing someone intentionally living in sin say they are "really close with God" makes me laugh on the outside and cry on the inside

Every human being longs to be righteous, that's why a lot of abortion-supporters work to "save the Earth" as they cheer the premature end of babies lives.

If the world is applauding you, they are cheering on your self-destruction; if God is happy with you, you are on the right track

My Beloved

2007-05-02T07:12:00.001-07:00

I have to take some time to throw a quick shout-out to my wife, Kathy. She has proven to be a reliable confidant, a great wife, a fantastic cook, a loving accountability partner, a selfless companion and a best friend. I love spending time with her, even if we're watching a movie. I look forward to coming home to her every day; and I love the quiet times we spend together. I'm proud to show her off to my friends and co-workers, and I can't wait to grow our family with her.

I love you Kathy.

Goal: Perfection!

2007-04-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

I have a new goal; and my first reaction was probably the same as yours will be: "Say what?"

I am striving to be perfect. No, no, that doesn't mean I'm going to try and be fake or happy all the time. My goal is to do everything right; say all the right things; have all the proper attitudes and display all the right emotions. I'm tired of messing up. I'm tired of sinning. I'm tired of hurting people. I want to be perfect.

What do I mean by "perfection"? Sinless. Is this possible without an overwhelming amount of self-control, patience and grace? No. Can I somehow attain this level of self-control, patience and grace on my own? No. My aspirations will require me to rely more on God than I ever have before!

There's some Scriptural backing for my aspirations, and I'll start with the words of Christ and move on to Paul:

Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect"
[Note that it is a command]

1 Corinthians 13:8-10 "Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears"

[the last phrase makes it sound like perfection is attainable...]

2 Corinthians 13:9 We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong; and our prayer is for your perfection.

And you know what? I'm no longer a sinner; I am no longer a slave to sin. I don't have to sin anymore. Perfection is attainable if I rely on Christ.

I'm totally serious about this. Keep me accountable; call me out!

Things Pastors Say That Make Me Mad

2007-04-24T08:03:00.001-07:00

Selling products for the pulpit - man, that's upsetting.
Making fun of other Christian sects
Endorsing political candidates or positions based on non-Biblical guidelines - I don't mind if you want us to vote for an anti-abortion measure; but refrain from encouraging us to endorse a candidate or proposition, please!
Trying to leverage your convictions on to your congregation - if Christ didn't say not to do it; be cautious about what you tell others not to do (i.e.: what music to listen to)
Fire and brimstone sermons - they get old
Preaching hate from the pulpit - aren't we supposed to love everyone?
Musings about your ideas on the 'spirit' world - come on!

What stuff do preachers say that makes you mad?

U R Church

2007-04-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first service for Miles Brown's new church, U(pper) R(oom) Church; and this is my summary of the service and what I've seen so far in the church.

The Atmosphere
There was definitely a buzz in the room; I could feel the excitement and anxiety. My guess was that people were so excited to start doing stuff and get away from all the destructive drama and back-stabbing. There was definitely a sense of unity in the church; and I haven't felt that in months!
The Worship
The worship was good; but it's always good with David Yorty. The energy from the worship was addicting, it made you want to sing. The volume kept going up as our passion went up; you could really feel it! It was, in a word, awesome.
The Sermon
Miles started his sermon with a great reminder: we can not walk in the attitudes of hatred, jealousy, anger, self-pity, or sadness. He exhorted us to treat all of our Christian brothers and sisters as co-workers for Christ and not as opposing players in a game. He also made a quip about 'If you think they're your enemy, take this change to love your enemy!', I thought that was pretty funny. :)
Miles also brought up the point that there are certain attutudes or mindsets you can "feel" coming from a person; such as anger, jealousy, hatred, love, peace, gentless, etc. These are things that emit such a strong energy that it change the dynamic in a small setting. The negative attitudes need to be combatted, Christians can't be effective if we're allowing these things to control us. He quoted 1 John 2:9 - "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness"

The word they use to describe the church is "charismissional", a combination of the words "charismatic" and "missional". There are certain aspects of the charismatic movement that concern me, such as the creeping sense of superiority I sense over other Christian believers. I'm sure that will all be worked out over time as we work together to sharpen each other's theology.

I highly recommend visiting the church and seeing it for yourself before it explodes, because I really think this church is going to grow - very fast.

Omnipotent? Nah

2007-04-19T08:31:00.001-07:00

A common excuse for serving God or giving your life (back to?) God goes something like this:

I am/was a [ something negative here ] so I could never be [ positive characteristic ]

You've probably heard these or used these before; they're repeated often:
"I did some really bad things, so God doesn't want me."
"I turned my back on God, He won't accept me again."
"I really hurt someone, I'm not good enough for God."

The list goes on and on, but they're all lies. If you're using them today, know that those thoughts that you're not good enough to be accepted, loved, or used by God are all lies. God said He didn't come for the healthy; but for the sick (like you and me). God's grace is more than enough to cover over whatever you've done, cover over whatever lies you've told, forget the numerous times you walked away from Him and wash away any sins you've committed to try and hurt Him.

There's nothing you've done that disqualifies you from serving Him either. I don't care if you were/are a slut, drug dealer, murderer, porno star, liar, thief, anarchist, atheist, whatever you were it's over now and God wants to use you. I used to be a pervert (message me for more info, I'm not going to air it all out); but God is using me now despite that, and He's using me to reach out to others who are walking in the same grime I was walking in. Also, don't think of being "used" by God as something similar to a household chore - you get to lead others on a path of righteousness and witness God's power! Is there a miracle as amazing as watching God transform a life?

Don't let your pride, anger, hurt, pain, sadness, laziness or busyness get in the way of your destiny. Walking isn't good enough, run back to Christ! Bow your head and say, "OK God, I'm ready to accept your love and forgiveness, please use me." The action is easy but the effects are huge.

Past Sex Offenders in the church?

2007-04-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

There's a very interesting article in today's New York Times

It's the story of a man who confessed to his church congregation that he is a former child molester that served jail time; and how the congregation is dealing with the revelation.

Renewal

2007-04-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Just as our body regenerates itself on a periodic basis, so our hearts have the power to renew themselves over time. I believe that as we grow; our hearts and minds will either change as we attempt to better ourselves or become hardened in our bad habits and worldly mindsets. Paul addresses the issue of instant renewal in Romans when he says,

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

If you long to break loose from conformity to the world; if you long to be transformed and new from the inside out; if you long to be free from mere duty-driven Christianity; if you long to offer up your body as a living; then give yourself with all your might to pursuing the renewal of your mind.

How do you renew your mind? I would suggest that you can not renew your mind; but you can only die to yourself and let God do the rest. What do you think?

Theology Discussion

2007-03-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Lately I have seen some behaviors and heard a few doctrines that made me wonder; so I cracked open my Bible and took some notes! Let's talk...

Item 1: Being "drunk in the Spirit"
Context: Individual says they are so filled with the Spirit they feel "drunk" in the Spirit; individual starts acting loopy, can't stand straight, or breaks out in uncontrollable laughter.
Biblical Argument: Throughout the New Testament, believers are commanded to be "sober (1 Th. 5:6,8; Titus 1:8; 1 Peter 1:13)" and "exhort to be sober-minded (Titus 2:6)". Whether we are drunk with wine or drunk in the Spirit, the effects are essentially the same – how is this pleasing to God or make a good witness?

Item 2: Being "slain in the Spirit"
Context: Individual is filled with the Holy Spirit (or "slain" with the Holy Spirit) and falls over
Biblical Argument: I couldn't find any references in the Scripture to people falling over when being filled with the Spirit; and if there is a reference to it I'm almost positive it would be when the believer was first filled with the Spirit. This behavior usually occurs when another individual touches the "slain" believer and the "slain" believer falls over. I don't see any Biblical context for this practice.

Item 3: Prophetic words
Context: Individual receives a word for another believer from God and shares it with the other believer
Biblical Argument: God speaks to His people; Jesus says that His sheep hear His voice (John 10:1-16). Christians need to be careful relaying messages they believe to be from God to other believers, especially commands or instructions for their life. You better be darned sure that this instruction is from God. If I hear an instruction from God for my own life, follow it, and it proves to be not of God, then I am the only one made to look like a fool. However, if I take this spiritual gift into the world and approach a non-believer with a word from God and it proves to be wrong, I have soiled the reputation of the Lord for that person (thus the stoning command from God).

Who is this man?

2007-03-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

I look at the man
And see something new
Each time I glance
Is it me or is it you?

One day a monster
The next day a leader
He looks like a man
Or he looks like a cheater

I see him daily
Adorned with a smile
Or a glare so fright
Am I crazy or in denial

Who is this man
This monster, this leader
It's the reflection I see
When I look in the mirror

Wake Up Young Lady

2007-03-07T15:08:00.000-08:00

You hate your life, you hate yourself
You hate the world, hate that you love someone else

Hate consuming, happiness alluding
Sorrows abound, failure looming

Wake up young lady, life isn't as it seems
Look up young lady, work to accomplish all your dreams
Wake up young lady, don't worry about the others
Look up young lady, you are not just a number

Despising romance, hating passion
Longing heart, bitter past and
Hate your future, coming fast
Forget it all, it never lasts

This world you call hell
It's all you got to live in
Live a story you can tell
Stop the hating, start the living

Wake up young lady, life isn't as it seems
Look up young lady, work to accomplish all your dreams
Wake up young lady, don't worry about the others
Look up young lady, you are not just a number

This depression that you wallow in
Will soon encompass all your thoughts
Maybe it's pride you should be swallowin
Leave the past, it's been forgot

You know there's more than this
The Truth shall set you free
Now quit drowning in your tears
And put away all your fears
There's more to life than this

Why Go to Church?

2007-03-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

Since we have arrived back in California, Kathy and I started looking for a church. The search for a place to learn and worship on Sunday mornings has been somewhat frustrating because we haven’t gone to a place and received a “BOOM!” feeling, like this is the place we should be. To add to the confusion, at the same time we started looking for churches, I got into a discussion with a friend about attending church and he rattled off many logical points to explain why he no longer attends church. Perhaps an easier blog topic would have been on the reasons why not to attend church - I can mention many different things, but I’ll echo my friend’s points:

The American church is, as a whole, dead and not passionate about Christ (this point can be argued, keep in mind this is coming from someone pessimistic about the American church)
Christ says that where two or more people gather, He is there – so why go to a service at a specific church at a specific time just to be offended and/or disappointed by the church leadership?
People that attend the church gossip too much, are hypocritical and judge too quickly
All churches want is your money! (again, this is coming from a pessimist who has been burned)

All are valid points and are not easily argued or proven wrong; but let’s spend some time discussing positive points on church before coming to any conclusions.

The benefits of gathering with a diverse group of people that share your beliefs, hold you accountable to your morals and enjoy the same activities you do are too many to mention.
Sitting back in your chair and listening to someone give a motivational speech to improve your life is great. Throw in some conviction to change and you have a weekly “shot to the arm” to get you through the week.
We are commanded to praise God, so by worshipping on Sunday morning we are obeying and we get to listen to some beautiful music by talented volunteers.
Many churches offer services for their members such as counseling for the broken and baptismal services for those that wish to make a public proclamation of their faith.
Christ commands us to give Him a portion of our finances; giving to the church you attend regularly could be one way to give back to Him.

There are many other good reasons to attend church, but I want to expand my five main points above. There are positives with gathering with a group of people and sharing your heart with them; but there can also be traumatic negatives such as broken trust and betrayed friendships. One thing we must keep in mind when considering whether or not to attend church (and picking a church, which is an entirely different discussion) is if you want to open up to other Christians. Opening up to Christians is different than being transparent to your non-Christian co-workers and friends; because Christians are commanded to keep each other accountable for their actions. If you are vulnerable with your Christian family, you run the risk – no, the promise – of being judged based upon your actions.

My friend knows the Bible much better than I do; his recollection of Scripture astounds me. But there’s something about going to a gathering of those who believe like you and hearing a sermon from someone who has studied the selected topic for an extended period of time. A good preacher will convict you, stretch you, challenge you and get you thinking about your faith. Without a regular test to your beliefs, how can you be solid in your faith or be able to defend the Truth to the skeptics (or even your own inner demons)? Note: Please never just accept a sermon’s theology; make sure you’re getting fed the Truth!

We are commanded to praise God; and part of this praise is through singing to Him. While I enjoy praising Christ during the week through my words and actions, it’s an experience to sing to the Creator with other believers and just worship Him for who He is and for what He’s done for you.

The church is not just there for you on Sunday mornings, many churches offer other services to their members (some do not require membership) like counseling, baptisms, Bible studies, classes on Biblical and extra-Biblical (finances, parenting) topics, addiction recovery programs and other benefits that can prove to be invaluable when you need them.

Lastly, one of the most controversial topics in the Church today is tithing. God commands us to give back a small portion of what we have been given, so by not giving back to Him in some fashion would be considered a sin (according to my interpretation of the Scriptures). Many churches or individual pastors seem to be constantly asking for your money; I understand and echo any unease this gives churchgoers and those that are considering whether or not to attend. I would encourage you to not give to that particular church if you do not feel like your money would be “wasted.” However, many churches do a lot of good things with the money! They need to keep the lights on, pay the staff, support their social programs, supply the classrooms, maintain their equipment, pay the rent, etc. If the regular attendees of the church do not contribute to the church fund, the church will shut down.

I hope this post was encouraging to you.

Pirahnas

2007-02-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

I've noticed a disturbing tendency among Christians (myself included) to have a pirahnic effect on our sinning brothers and sisters. The trend goes like this:

Christian is told they are doing wrong (assuming this is done in a helpful, constructive manner)
Fellow Christians come alongside the "sinner" and remind him of wrongdoing
Christians talk among themselves about the "sinner" and the sin (gossip)
Process continues until "sinner" feels condemned and leaves the church, extremely hurt and definitely not in the mood to repent

The first step is not wrong; and the second step (reminding your Christian brother or sister) could also be positive if done in the right mindset, and not intended to shame. However, the gossip and constant reminder of the wrong-doing is not only harmful to the "sinner" but is detrimental to the group dynamic.

I'm posting this because I caught myself doing this very thing, and I wanted to throw it out there as a reminder: we have enough problems outside the church, let's not make church (or our church small groups) a burdensome place to be.

Spiritual Gifts and the Church

2007-02-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I’ll preface this post by outlining some conclusions I have come to: supernatural spiritual gifts are real, they are relevant, and they are powerful; any believer today can duplicate Christ’s miracles.
[Note: It is written that every believer should work out their faith for themselves, so don’t take my conclusive statements to be judgmental proclamations or factual points. If you disagree with my theological standpoint, feel free to email me and let me know where we disagree. Any constructive criticism related to my theology would be seen as an act of love for a brother in Christ you believe to be mistaken; and not as a personal attack on me or my beliefs.]

A church I attended regularly recently witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit through supernatural miracles. Before this experience the pastor was regularly preaching about the validity of spiritual gifts and the power we all have as believers. Now that this church has seen the miracles first-hand, the pastor is continuing to preach about the supernatural and our access to them. The reason I wrote this post is to ask this: is there a number of sermons (or another benchmark) by which we should draw a line for teaching about the same aspect of God? I’m concerned that a continued, non-stop focus on the same aspect will not edify the body; and as a result the believers will become stagnant and die!

Lastly, I want to state a disclaimer: I do not believe that the spiritual gifts should not be mentioned or imparted on a weekly basis. I am concerned with the focus of the sermons staying on the same topic; I am not implying or suggesting that we do not draw attention to the power of God on a weekly basis.

My Faith Has Been Rocked

2007-02-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had an experience that completely changed the way you look at the world? And I don't mean in the cliche, oh-my-gosh-what-a-trip experience, but an event that makes you realize that your idea of reality is wrong? Well, I had one of those experiences on Saturday night.

Before I moved to Chicago I regularly attended church at Christian Life Assembly (Lancaster Blvd and 30th St East). This last weekend, CLA held a "Firestorm" meeting that was billed as a "healing service". I don't know about the readers of this blog, but I was more than skeptical - I was downright cynical that anything would happen. I didn't attend this meeting to be healed or delivered or anything positive, but to cast a skeptical eye upon these guests. The service was nothing extraordinary, and I didn't really find any holes in their theology or their explanations of miracles and the possibility of miracles happening today. I believe that God can still work through people if he wishes, but I hadn't seen it and I know some really "religious" (for lack of a better term) people, fellow believers that I look up to for wisdom had never had this happen to them.

At the end of the sermon, the main speaker and his team of about ten students stood up and gave an open invitation for anyone to come to the front to get prayed over. So, me and Kathy walked up to the front. I can't explain why I felt the urge to get prayer, but I definitely felt like I should go up there. I reasoned, "What's the worst that can happen?" One of the students came up to Kathy and explained she would like to get healed. Kathy explained to her how her neck's been in constant pain for years, her back's misaligned, her hip has been really bothering her, she had tendonitis in her knee and her right achilles tendon has been very painful as of late. So the woman prayed for her and asked Kathy, "Do you feel anything?"

Kathy moved her neck from side-to-side, bent her knees, moved her ankle in a circle and replied, "No, I don't feel anything. That's the weird thing. I was in pain two seconds ago!" I looked at Kathy with an are-you-nuts look...I thought she was pulling my leg here. She looked up at me and couldn't contain her excitement. "Alex! Oh my gosh, I have no pain! This is great!" Ever the unbeliever, I was happy but not quite yet to throw my towel in the ring. I asked her throughout the night, "Do you have any pain now?" "No! This is so awesome!"

Not to repeat myself, but I always believed God could work miracles and heal people as He wished. But it was never going to happen to me, or through me. I was wrong. It happened to my wife; and I'm a believer.

Come to Christian Life Assembly one Sunday and see what all the fuss is about.

Life in California

2007-02-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

Man, is it great to be back in sunny California! I have a good job out here (I'm not sure yet how good of a job it is, we'll see as time goes by), my business is doing good and I'm hopping back in the political game. Me and Kathy have a *great* apartment in Lancaster, we absolutely love it. Kathy did an awesome job decorating the place (of course), pictures will be up soon.

Our marriage is different now. In Illinois, I relied on Kathy for support; out here the roles have reversed because of our friends situation. It's not bad, it's just different - arguably healthier. Married life is great and I love it; but man is it hard work! I can't imagine what Kathy goes through living with me! :P

Me and Kath are looking for a church out here, we really want to find a small, stable church where we can feel close to a lot of people (and not just a number) and be fed on a regular basis. I have a great community with a lot of the people at Christian Life Assembly, but I'm not sure that's where God wants us to worship right now. We're looking at a few places right now, we'll be attending Quartz Hill Community this weekend, if you're interested I'll let you know what I think of it after we go.

I am so, so happy to be back and be able to hang out with all my friends! I missed so many people, I need to work to get those friendships back to being solid again. Distance and time do a lot to erode friendships, it'll take some work to get them all back. Marriage also plays a big role in friendships, I just don't have as much free time anymore!

So that's my brief update, more blogs on my deep (?) thoughts soon.

The Man Has to Protect the Wife...From Herself

2007-01-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

There are so many lessons to be learned from the first sin committed; I just want to touch on one of them that really applies to marriage. Reading out of Genesis 2...

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' " 4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it."

Notice the last part of the verse, Adam was 'with her, and he ate it'. So he was just standing there watching this whole thing go down, then he took a bite of it too (followed her into sin). It's easy to point out that the woman "brought down the man" in this situation but was the man really doing what he was supposed to (quick note: Adam didn't have any scriptures to follow)? Absolutely not; the biblical guidelines for the husband clearly states we are supposed to be the spiritual leaders in the household. That means that it is my job to call Kathy on her sin when I see it; furthermore if I just stand there and let her do something we both know is wrong it is far more likely I will go down the same path.

This is just another call for me to be a stronger spiritual leader, and to set a good example. Imagine what it will be like when I have kids! *gulp*

Timeless Quotes from James Russell Lowell

2007-01-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

I came upon these gems today and needed to share some of them...

"Fate loves the fearless."

"An appeal to the reason of the people has never been known to fail in the long run."

"Books are the bees which carry the quickening pollen from one to another mind."

"Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor."

"Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle."

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change."

Read more here! http://brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/james_russell_lowell.html

Are Men Afraid of Strong Women?

2007-01-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

This post may deviate a little from the title, there's a lot on my mind in relation to marriage and relationships in general. A little foreword: I'm reading the book titled "Power of a Praying Husband" and although I'm only in the first chapter, I highly recommend it to all the husbands (and soon-to-be husbands) out there. Stacie does a great job of laying out the biblical case for praying for your wife and what responsibilities the husband has in the marriage. There's a particular verse that should send a fear down every husbands' spine:

1 Peter 3:7 (AMP)
In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]

If you don't honor your wife your prayers (your direct conversations with God) will be hindered and cut off. I've read this verse before, but it freaks me out everytime I read it! Moving on to the main topic at hand; I got to thinking why some men were afraid of strong women, when I got a revelation! Men aren't afraid of strong women, they're afraid of stronger women! Men do not want to be the weakest link in the marriage; and one can make a case that this is the biblical guideline. As a result, some men will try and keep their woman down so their manhood is not threatened. Let's face some facts, it's easier to bring a woman down than a man (generally speaking). As husbands, we have to work with our lady to bring her up; we need her to be as strong and confident as she can be so that together we can accomplish what God has set out for us to do. If you've entered parenthood, you need your wife to be as strong a mother as she can be.

Moving on to praying for my wife...it's hard. It's not that I'm selfish with my prayers, but I just don't feel comfortable praying for other people that much. I'll pray for my accountability partners, but that's because I know they're praying for me as well - and for some reason that makes it easier for me. Incorporating our spiritual lives has been a huge struggle for me and Kath, because we have no idea where to begin. Sometimes we pray together, sometimes we share verses with each other, but I'm kind of lost on how to make us one as a spiritual unit (and what boundaries need to be set, if any).

Random note: am I missing the point of the " We will wait upon the Lord" song or does it make no sense whatsoever?

Reflections...

2007-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Me and Kathy *met* a year from today...what a crazy year it's been!

Anyone have a crystal ball I can borrow?

2007-01-10T13:26:00.000-08:00

So I find out in a week if I'm moving to California or not - and my emotions are mixed. There's so many things going on in my head:

What will it be like back home now that I'm married?
Will Kathy like being back in California?
How will our marriage be different?
What will my job be like?
Will I be able to resume my political aspirations?
How is church going to be? Will me and Kathy agree on a church to attend?
How are we going to balance our marriage, family and friends?
Shoot, what's it going to be like having in-laws over at my house!?

Why Do I Love My Wife? Let Me Count the Ways...

2007-01-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

She is beautiful (I know they say looks shouldn't matter, but...)
She is spunky
She doesn't take any crap from me, which makes me become a better person
She makes me laugh
She's great in bed (what, it's true!)
She's optimistic
She loves me for me and not who she wants me to be
She's very encouraging
She knows how to tell me No
She pushes me to become better
She gives me hope when I have none
She's extremely well organized and clean...except for her pile
She has the greatest laugh
She is very creative
She can cook an amazing meal
She has an amazing voice
She makes our home look so warming
She's very supportive
Her kisses make all the pain go away
She is going to be a great mother

Hear My Plea

2007-01-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Heavenly Father;

Please answer my cries for help. I'm in so much pain I can't breathe. Are you there? Have I fallen completely out of favor with You? My mind needs some light, or at least an answer.

I've done what I thought was right, I answered your call and gave up everything when you asked without asking for anything in return. Where are You now? Why have you left me with nothing but pain and suffering and anguish?

Please lead me out of this. Allow me to continue the mission you've given me. Please.

Happiness

2007-01-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

* What makes you happy at work? Being challenged
* What makes you happy at home? Relaxing with my wife!
* What makes you happy with your friends and family? Quality time
* What makes you happy when you're by yourself? Being productive or, if I need to, just relaxing
* What do you love to do? Accomplish things people say I can't do
* What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure? Failure doesn't scare me
* What's not working in your life? My social life
* What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy? Not having any friends out here kind of sucks
* What's working in your life? Everything besides my lack of friends
* Who's not working in your life? I wish I was closer with Steve K, Dan, Chris Little and my wife
* Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it? No one. I quickly weed out people who make my life miserable
* Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life? I let them all go
* What relationships are working in your life? My marriage, Kyle, and my family
* If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life? I would be working on my political aspirations
* What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions? I really miss politics.

Regret

2007-01-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

At some point in your life you will do something you regret doing later, only the magnitude of the mistake is the question. After you've done something you regret and come to the place where you realize it was a mistake one of two things will happen: you will either emerge from the pain a better person or drown in self-pity and self-loathing. The pain of realizing a big mistake encompasses you in a darkness that is indescribable, only those that have been there can relate. You must walk towards Christ's healing power, or forever stay in the darkness - and endlessly try and drown out the pain using other methods.

From personal experience, there are multiple steps you go through on your way to healing. First, there's the realization that you made a mistake. This first step can definitely be the hardest to get past, because our human nature wants to deny that we ever made a mistake. To drown out the negative chorus we will usually do the exact same thing, or try and get others to follow our footsteps so that we don't feel as bad about our own errors.

The second step to recovery, once you have decided to right your wrong, is forgiveness of self. You do not deny that what you did is wrong, you do not minimize the pain you caused yourself and you do not forget your error. You forgive yourself. You must forgive your own ignorance, your own stupidity, your own weaknesses, and whatever else caused you to fall in this pit.

Lastly, you need to mend the wounds you've caused, to yourself and others. Some mistakes will stay with you for life. Ask the murderer spending the rest of his life in jail or the adulterer who will never see his bride again - they may have forgiven themselves but their punishment is lifelong.

2 Corinthians 7:10
"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."

Fight For Me

2007-01-02T05:59:00.000-08:00

The battle has begun
Two rivals fighting for one
The Enemy on one side promises Fun
The Redeemer opposing urging me run

The fork in the road before me
Fun and ruin or fight and glory
The war that rages within
Between what is right and what is sin

The drinks don't drown out the anger
Only pour fuel on the fire, raising the danger
Either drop the past and run
Or rectify the "waste" with fun

The end result remains to be seen
But we know this for certain:
The race will finish with either regret
Or the completion of a dream

Your mission, if you choose to accept it...

2006-12-29T06:57:00.000-08:00

I've been reading the Purpose Driven Life lately and have really had my eyes opened to how much God can do through one person. I read the stories in the Bible about a single man changing a nation (Moses, Joshua, Jeremiah, David, the list goes on and on) and yet I have a disbelief that I could be one of those people. But you know what? I can be one of those people. If I give my life to God and let Him work through me there's no limit to what can be accomplished. So that got me thinking...

How do I find out what my mission is? There is a lot of work to be done in America, we are a depraved nation. Where does one start if the goal is to change America? Applying what I've read, I believe there's a few things to keep in mind:

I need to change myself. If I'm not “hopelessly devoted” to God and His work, then I'm useless. If I'm holding out or I don't have the faith necessary to accomplish what He's set out for me to do then I'll never get it done. God uses men in their weaknesses so that He can get the glory and not the mortal man; but to use us He has to control us.

Doubt has no place in the heart of the great men. David had no doubt that he was to kill Goliath, Joshua had no doubt he was going to take the Promised Land and Ezra had no doubt he was going to rebuild Israel.

Great things never get completed without others getting hurt. This is a touchy subject, but while I was reviewing the stories of the great men in the Scripture, people against God's will always got hurt. Egyptians drowned, the habitants of the Promised Land were slaughtered and Goliath died. Not to say death is always the result of God changing a nation, but there are those who don't want to see change and they will get hurt – and it may be people close to you that you're hurting. To accomplish the great, you may have to distance yourself from those you're close to so you can complete the task laid out before you.

With a great power comes a great responsibility. The people chosen to do God's work were given a great responsibility and, I believe, carried a greater burden. Changing a person takes a lot of work and lot of heartache – imagine the kind of struggle one goes through to change a nation!

Can America be saved?

God Only Uses Strong People

2006-12-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

...or so I thought. Right now I am in a spiritually weak place so I was under the assumption God couldn't use me right now, I'd have to "get better" first. Well it just so happened I was reading "Purpose-Driven Life" on the train-ride to work and I was reading the chapter titled "God's Power in Your Weakness." I didn't think too much of the subject matter as I was reading it, I was trying to get the most out of the reading as I could. Well, before I got off the train the guy sitting next to me asked "So ya gettin' a lot out of that Purpose Driven book?" and we started talking about the meaning of life. I'll spare you the details of my sad attempt at witnessing, but I could tell my words touched him and hopefully got him thinking. In the chapter, Rick quoted a section of this passage:

1 Corinthians 1:27-29:
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

I was reminiscing about my past and when I felt most used by God, and everytime I've been used in a significant way (or felt like I was being used, one can be used by God without knowing it) I have felt like I must lean on Him. I knew everytime something powerful happened that it wasn't through my power or because of my greatness, but through His. Anything great or meaningful I accomplish can't come as a result of my own strengths or wisdom but from God, for what could the created possibly do that the Creator didn't design Him to do?

I Enter The Abyss of My Mind

2006-12-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

Marriage is great; there are a lot of sacrifices you have to make (like dying to yourself, which isn't as traumatic or negative as it sounds) but they are all worth the countless rewards. In my experience, a lot I thought would be easy has turned out to be difficult and most of the things I thought would be difficult are easy; which goes to show I didn't know what to expect from marriage! :P

While I'm disappointed by the election results, I'm looking forward to watching the Democrats' circus act as they try and run things - it's already looking to be quite the show!

I wish politicians would spend more time worrying about alternative energy solutions and getting the homeless off the streets than bogus issues like flag burning amendments and the elections two years from now. If they spent as much time working to improve our security and quality of life as they currently do campaigning, they wouldn't have to campaign!

I respect an extremist who lives what they preach more than a "mainstream" citizen who doesn't do anything. Extremists who don't practice what they preach are easily ignored and usually mocked (Al Gore anyone?).

Sex is better than I could have imagined but not as important in life as I thought it'd be.

Now that they've come out with studies and videos showing fetuses experience pain after 20 weeks, it's time to criminalize abortion at least after that point (I support outlawing abortion outright but that wouldn't fly right now). I whole-heartedly think that a ballot initiative banning abortion after twenty weeks with exceptions for rape and incest would pass in California...am I crazy?

There's too much significance placed in the words of an entertainer; and way too much attention paid to the mundane details of these people's lives. So why do I click on the stories about them?

I've come to the conclusion that not only do you become your friends, but you become what you hate.

Dying to yourself could be a good thing if you were selfish to begin with. Letting your dreams die would be a shame, don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams because settling for less won't make anyone happy.

If your significant other wants to leave, let them. If your relationship is as good as you think it is or your love as powerful as you say, they'll be back.

Sometimes you need to release your grip completely so your bond can get stronger.

There's a lot of things about God that I intellectually understand but emotionally don't like, for example I don't like all the pain and suffering the world but I realize it's completely necessary.

That's all for now! Oh, we're moving back to Cali in January (depending on me finding a job out there).

California Here We Come...sometime

2006-12-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

Me and Kathy have decided to accelerate our plans to move back to California. We are going to be looking for jobs out there for both of us, and as soon as we feel the time is right we're moving back. That could be in January, it could be in March, it could be in June like we originally planned.

Why are we looking to move so soon? We were staying in Chicago for two reasons; the first is so Kath can have a slow, gradual withdrawal from her community out here and the second was money - we're both making good money out here. However, Kathy's friends have all grown busy and just don't have time for her anymore so the withdrawal process has already begun. Kathy came to me this weekend and said "I'm ready to move back if you are." I was willing to wait until June to move back to California, I did not want to rush Kathy out of her adopted hometown before she was ready to leave.

Please pray for us to find jobs out in California; and not just any job but a job where we can grow and enjoy going to work (at least most of the time).

Oh and yes, the March wedding is still on! :)

Home for the Holidays - News and Thoughts

2006-11-30T10:53:00.000-08:00

So me and my gorgeous wife are going to travel back to California for Christmas and my sister's wedding (she gets married on the 22nd). I'm really looking forward to seeing my family again and hanging out with some friends while I'm out there!

As I was listening to the song "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays" the place that came up in my mind as "home" wasn't Lancaster. It wasn't Chicago, either. It was with Kathy. Kathy's my family now, Kathy's where I go when I need to be comforted, Kathy's where I turn to when I'm need to be picked up (love you baby!).

Me and Kath have our tree up, it's looking great. Kathy decorated it (and the rest of the house), everything's so cheery! :)

That's all for now!

Perfect Wedding

2006-11-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

So I got married two weeks ago today on November 3rd, 2006. It was a beautiful day on the west coast, a dry 75 degrees or so. I had a hard time getting dressed for the day, I was incredibly nervous! The day didn't start smooth, my step-brother was late and my mother-in-law's car broke down at her son's house so we had to take a slight detour to pick them up. Nothing could get in the way of my joy though, I was overwhelmingly joyous and so excited for the day's events!

After an eventful drive complete with walkie-talkie conversations, racing Ferraris (eight of them!) and an animated little sister telling me about her upcoming wedding day, we arrived in Las Vegas around 2:45 in the afternoon. Me and Kathy raced into the Marriage Bureau and turned in our already filled-out paperwork (cheers for an organized bride) and dashed back out to the cars waiting for us. We did our best but we couldn't quite make it to the church on time, we rolled in about a half-hour late. Again, nothing could keep me from feeling an overwhelming joy, I was so happy this was happening and was really excited about the days, weeks and years to come - I wasn't going to let a little tardiness ruin my day!

Everyone made their way into the church and we all took our places, I stood in the front of the sanctuary with our Pastor and waited for my bride to enter the church. The Wedding March began and the doors flung open, and in walked the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Tears started streaming down my face (my eyes are getting misty as I write this) and Kathy walked up next to me and grabbed my hand as the Pastor instructed. The tears wouldn't stop flowing for me, my vows ended up to be a blubbering version of the original, and Kathy could barely get her vows out she was crying so hard. I didn't even notice my step-dad recording or the flashing of the cameras, my eyes were locked on my princess. The Pastor did a great job of incorporating our faith into the ceremony and he gave a very brief sermon then pronounced us husband and wife! We left the church and made our way (ever so slowly) to our restaurant of choice and then quickly went back to California. I won't tell you what happened next. ;)

So the wedding was perfect, the bride was beautiful and the groom was a blubbering fool. But isn't that what it's all about?

Christianity and Politics

2006-10-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

There is a huge dividing line in the church over how deep Christians should go in the political process. On one extreme there's the group of Christians that are hesitant to vote; and on the other side there are Christians who want to overwhelm the political landscape with Christian leaders and politicians. Which side is right? Is there a right side? What does the Bible say about it?

First, there are some major flaws in the "stay out of the world" approach to politics. If Christians don't get involved in politics then only the secular people will vote and influence our country - I don't think that's what God wants for us. Some of the people in this camp will misquote Jesus' quote when he says "give unto Caesar that which is Caesar's." Christ was talking about doing your duty as a citizen and paying your taxes, He wasn't stumping for His followers to withdraw from the political process!

When it comes to actually becoming a politician, the waters get a little murkier. To be a Christian politician is a very difficult task, for you must follow God's standards for Christian living while trying to win in a political system that encourages lying, cheating, humiliation and slander. If you want to look for a Christian politician who's been corrupted by our system, look no further than our President.

I'm seriously considering running for office of some kind, I'm just not sure what office or when. Do you have any thoughts to share on Christian politicians?

Peace Like a River

2006-10-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

There are many ways the Holy Spirit communicates with us; one of His names is Comforter (N: "To soothe in time of affliction or distress"). My decision to move up our wedding date has drawn some negative opinions and worrisome inquiries; but through it all I've felt a strong peace; an unwavering comfort that this is what me and Kathy should be doing.

Proverbs 19:21 - "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

Temptation, or, "So you think you're good enough?"

2006-10-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

I have been through the experience of thinking I'm a good person, that my Christianity (and in essence my deeds) are enough to warrant me the label of "Good Human Being". I was sadly mistaken. I think I fell into the same trap many other Christians do; thinking that our lack of "big" sins like sexual infidelity, drugs or the other notorious sins makes me a good Christian.

Reality sets in after we try to be good. Have you ever tried to put an end to a habitual sin, whether it be something "small" like lying or something "big" like sexual sin? It's hard; no, it's impossible to do under your own strength.

I'll end this short post with a quote from CS Lewis:
"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means--the only complete realist."

Headship in Marriage

2006-09-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

One of the most controversial teachings in the Scriptures is the idea of the husband being the head in the marriage; this heirarchy structure has been ridiculed and scorned as being sexist and degrading to women while giving men an excuse for a power trip. With the help of a book I'm reading; I've really started to develop a better idea of what this heirarchy is supposed to look like and how each spouse plays a role in making it work.

The husband needs to be given respect to affirm his manhood; but he can't demand it. He needs to earn his respect, his role in the marriage is a God-given responsibility and he needs to stand up to the challenge and not abuse his role. There are men that want to rule their house like a dictatorship, there are men that want to rule as kings, and there are men that want to rule as the Boss in the home. But the husbands are meant to be like Christ, and to lead like Christ led. Christ led through servanthood, and in return his disciples obeyed Him and His followers respected Him.

The wife has responsibilities as well, her role in the home is equally as important and equally as valuable. She needs to uplift and encourage her husband; for what good is a husband without self-esteem or confidence in his decisions? She also needs to respect her husband and show that respect in tangible ways so that the husband knows he's being respected, men need respect more than they need love.

Both partners have a responsibility to encourage the other, motivate the other in their spiritual walks and keep each other accountable. Neither spouse has a greater or lesser role in the relationship; but they have different roles and different responsibilities.

Things I love about Chicago

2006-09-28T05:47:00.001-07:00

As much as I complain about being out here in Illinois and not being able to see my friends and family back home, there are some things about Chicago that I absolutely love!

1) The skyline. When I get off the train, I get to see the Hancock Tower; on my way to work I pass by numerous buildings engraved in history, and the Sears Tower can be seen from my window. It's awesome!

2) The clean air. For a big city, Chicago's air is amazingly clean. It's never hard to catch a full breath out here, like it is in LA.

3) The food! Chicago is famous for its food, and rightfully so! The deep-dish pizzas are amazing and they have some of the best restaurants I have ever been to.

4) The church. We have a great church out here, I love the Evanston Vineyard. The worship is great, the Spirit is really moving in that church and there's a lot of wisdom in the people.

5) The girl. I get to see Kathy every day! Yay!

6) The job. I love my job. I don't think I'll ever find a job with this mix of relaxation, challenge, comfort and encouragement that I find in this job. It's great.

Of course, I'm very excited to move back to California; but I wanted to share some of the really positive things about Chi-town! :)

1 Peter 3:7

2006-09-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

"You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

This verse blew me away. If I am getting the correct interpretation it says that if the husband doesn't treat his wife with understanding and honor his prayers will be hindered! The way a man treats his wife directly relates to how his Lord responds to his prayers! As I reflected on this verse, I was trying to form a definition of the word honor, but couldn't quite come up with anything. So I found an online dictionary and this is what I found [definitions unrelated to marriage have been omitted]:

hon‧or
1. honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: a man of honor.
2. a source of credit or distinction: to be an honor to one's family.
3. high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: to be held in honor.
5. high public esteem; fame; glory: He has earned his position of honor.
13. to hold in honor or high respect;
14. to treat with honor.

So if I do not treat my wife with honesty, fairness, respect, and am not an integrous husband my prayers will be hindered. I have to get to work, but this passage is amazing!

Christ Talking About Marriage

2006-09-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

...[A]t the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

This block of verses packs a lot of punch; we learn a lot about what God thinks about marriage. I'll analyze each phrase:

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife"
When the time comes to get married; the man (me) needs to leave his previous family and start a new family with his wife. I think that "leaving his father and mother" is not only implying the physical location but also the level of emotional attachment to the previous family. I am now not supposed to rely on Mom and Dad for support and encouragement, I need to rely on my wife.

"and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one"
The idea of two people becoming one flesh is a deep topic; I may address it later. There are also implications for a sexually active individual and the things an unrepentant sexually active person brings into a marriage.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
I believe Christ is not only addressing divorce, but adultrey and seperation as well. If one of the partners is adulterous in action or thought, they have put a huge wedge into the relationship; seperating the two people in marriage.

Why I'm (Still) Living in Illinois

2006-09-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

Many of my closest friends back home have all asked me why I am still living in Illinois. There are many good reasons to question my decision to live out here; I've faced many challenges and my spiritual life has been dealt many self-inflicted setbacks. I wanted to post my reasoning for staying out here, they are put in order of most importance:

Reason 1: God's Call
I believe God called me out here; and I believe God gave me a specific date to come back (June of next year). Since I have heard what I interpreted to be God's voice on both occasions, and the commands were very specific, I am obeying. Me and Kathy are moving back in June of next year, the only reason I would move back sooner is if me and Kathy fell into sexual sin (we would need to be apart to purify ourselves for marriage).

Reason 2: Running From My Issues Won't Help
Yes, I have faced many uphill battles out here; and I've lost quite a few. I have been tempted with new pleasures, enticed by new opportunities and teased with new adventures. My actions have resulted in numerous spiritual setbacks and a lot of pain; but if I ran from them I would confront them again in California. God has told me to stay out here, he wants me to fight these battles in an uncomfortable "War Zone" away from my support system. I don't know why, but He does.

Reason 3: I Promised Kathy I Would Stay
I promised Kathy I would stay out here while we were engaged, unless we fell into sexual sin. Period.

Bumps in the road of life

2006-09-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

The road less travelled isn't as smooth as the wide road

Jealousy

2006-09-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

There are many irrational emotions we all feel from day-to-day, all of them begin as something small but left unchecked can become an all-consuming vacuum on our minds. One of the strongest of these is jealousy.

Jealousy is a trait of our LORD (Exod. 20:5 - "I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God") and He is consumed by jealousy for our love; and I'm afraid men on earth can take on the same attitude. The difference is God is love; He embodies love and His love is unconditional. Men on earth are evil, and jealousy leads them to do harmful things when consumed by jealousy's ever-wanting flame (Prov 6:34 - "jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge"). In fact, jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, and is listed as an act of one living in sin in Galatians 5:19-21:

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like."

How does one overcome this? I found a great quote online:

"Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person she really is."

As you may have guessed, I am struggling with jealousy. I've never dealt with this before, so these feelings are foreign and I lack the knowledge to fight back. Please don't leave a comment, email me with any notes or tips you have.

Update on my life

2006-09-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I can't pick up the phone and call everyone back home and let them know how I'm doing, so this blog will have to suffice for now. In short, I'm doing *great*! I have a great job with a Christian boss from church and a Christian co-worker; the job is challenging, lucrative, entertaining, fun and I'm learning a lot! So that's a blessing for sure! I'm working at a small company called Mbira, they run multiple web sites that sell musical equipment (zzounds.com, samedaymusic.com, etc).

The church me and Kathy attend has been nice, the teaching's good and the community has been, in general, supportive. We were involved in a house group but that fell through; and my summertime men's group ended so right now we just attend church on Sundays and Kathy has a women's group on Sunday mornings.

My social life out here is dead, and that's sugar-coating it. I have no close friends, I have very little acquaintances, and I am hardly ever invited to go anywhere. However, I don't actually think that is a negative thing! Me and Kathy have had a *lot* of time to work through issues, bond, seek elder's counsel and just spend time with each other. My business has picked up since I left so I get to come home from my web designing job to do more web designing - gotta pay for the wedding!

Speaking of the wedding, things are coming along very smoothly. We have our location for the ceremony and reception paid for, we have our officiant, Kathy's dress and everything is planned out!! I am so relieved to have the hard stuff done with, now I just have to pay for everything - which God is providing for. Kathy will (hopefully) move out of her apartment in December (we need to find a replacement roommate) and I will move in with her after we get married. We will be moving back to California in the summer, most likely in June but that may get pushed back a month or two.

So that's the update! :) Oh, if you are a musician, I can hook you up with some amazing deals on equipment! Let me know what you want from the web site...

Thoughts Bounce Around

2006-09-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

- Why do people complain about something they can easily change?
- Why do people complain about something they can never change?

- The President of NARAL (a very large pro-choice organization) attempted to make the case that her beliefs are not anti-religious. It made me laugh

- The only thing standing between us and a life of sin is our conscience. Guard your conscience, it may be the last thing that can save you.

- Criticism given with the intent of building a person's character should be welcomed. Criticism given with the intent to harm another should be shunned.

- Running away from your goals is as bad as only walking towards them.

- The moment you give up on improving yourself, you begin the long slide downhill.

- People who give up on their friends gave up on themselves first.

Marriage

2006-09-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

Since I got enagaged to the love of my life, many a conversation has turned to marriage. I have learned a lot about marriage (and people's conceptions of marriage) and decided to spill my guts a little bit; start an online discussion of marriage.

There are many good reasons to get married; and there are many good reasons to stay single your entire life. If you're a religious person, marriage is the only acceptable way to fulfill your sexual desires. No matter how religious you are, marriage is a union of two people, a life-time partnership between two people who have vowed to work together to please each other and make the best life for their new family. However, there is nothing more detrimental to a person's happiness, well-being and dream fulfillment than a bad marriage. If you feel like you'd make a terrible spouse or just wouldn't be happy getting married; you need to move forward from this point on like you are never going to get married.

There are also many *bad* reasons to get married; most of them surround the idea of selfishness - you want someone to fulfill your needs, cure your loneliness, satisfy your desires and never leave you. All of these desires aren't selfish, but your motives to get married may be. There are also bad reasons to stay single; if you can not control your lust it is better for you to be married, if you are afraid of commitment but are unhappy single you are in a serious pickle. It is right for you to be picky about whom you spend the rest of your life with, but if you demand a certain look coupled with an exact match of your life goals you are never going to find someone.

Lastly, I've found that if I wanted to wait to accomplish something until I was married I was being foolish and lazy. I can accomplish anything I want on my own; a partner would be there for support but the burden is still on my shoulders to accomplish my dream and/or destiny.

If you have thoughts on this, please share them with me either commenting my blog or emailing me at alex.branning@gmail.com. Oh, and check out AlexandKathy.com!

"But you live to fight another day"

2006-08-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

The Thing About Me
I always find myself thinking
Of the way things should play out
Imagination sees only what it wants
And memories jump in to taunt
You know there's a chance out of two
That it can play out a certain way for you
So you dream of your victory
And raise your arms triumphantly
You've acheived it all
But back to reality you fall
Even if you win, you still lose
But you live to fight another day
- Written by Denny Love

When I moved here I had this fantasy of how things were going to play out in Chicago. Nothing has turned out the way I thought it would - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Many things have turned out better than I could have dreamed; but I've faced struggles I could never have imagined. But I'm still here, I haven't given up, and I'm going to fight another day to be the man I want to be.

What a Change

2006-08-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

I came to Chicago excited about the future and excited about the spiritual growth I'll experience.

Now I'm hoping to one day return to the spiritual level I was at when I got here.

It'll be a long climb back up...

Your Love oh LORD, Reaches to the Heavens

2006-08-23T06:46:00.000-07:00

“When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”- Psalm 94:18-19

God's love is amazing. On my way to work today I was reflecting on how loving God is, even when we fall. If we throw ourselves down in to the pit of sin, God's still there beside us, offering His hand to help us back up.

His mercy is endless, His grace is abundant and His forgiveness is sincere. Wow.

A lot of questions...

2006-08-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

Why walk when you can run?

Why survive when you can thrive?

Why have a small wedding when you can have a huge wedding?

Why be content with unhappiness or shortcomings?

Why give up when you know you can persevere?

Why give only half of your effort?

Why don't you improve yourself?

What is Love?

2006-08-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

There are many different ways to categorize love. I'll focus this blog on one way to categorize love: selfish love and selfless love.

Selfish love is your love for something because it gives you pleasure, comfort or security. I love soft tacos. I love money (in a healthy way). I love having a steady job. These are all selfish loves, I would only give up something of lesser value to me for a soft taco, more money or a better job. I wouldn't pay more than five dollars for a taco; I wouldn't compromise my morals for more money and I wouldn't move away from loved ones for a better job.

Selfless love is something entirely different; selfless love means you lay down your pride and selfishness to do something for another person. You can witness selfless love is Christs' death, a friend going out of his way to help you or marriage on a day-to-day basis.

Marriage is a unique love; you are becoming one with another person. Your decisions no longer affect yourself, they affect you and the one you love. Your mistakes, your issues, your downfalls, your blessings, your gifts and the risks you take no longer affect just you - they also affect the one you love. You must be selfless to have a successful marriage. This is not to say that you must be a doormat or forfeit your desires, but now you must take into consideration what affect your dream-chasing is going to have on your love.

Please, share your thoughts with me.

Discerning Advice, Discovering Wisdom, Discarding Opinion

2006-07-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

During the course of me and Kathy's relationship we have been blessed continually by people taking the time to share their hearts with us and pass on some of their thoughts regarding our relationship. The hard part is what to do with the ideas or concerns expressed to us. Now that me and Kathy have taken the next step and are on our way to marriage, the words of wisdom are pouring in! We get thoughts on how to stay pure, what married life is going to be like, how we're going to change, what kind of reception we should have, and dozens of other topics. We talk about a majority of the conversations we have with others and talk about how we can incorporate that wisdom into our relationship.

However, there are a few things that people say that we don't agree with and do not follow. If we do not follow through with your advice or adhere to your guidelines for our relationship, neither one of us is minimizing your input or devaluing your friendship. We both sincerely want to hear your thoughts so we can continue to improve and refine our relationship and plan the best wedding we can!

The Process of Going from Man to Husband

2006-07-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

I am going to be a husband in eight months from now. The emotions that I'm feeling range from exuberance to depression to anxiety and fear. This is going to be the biggest change in my life up to this point. I've been doing a lot of thinking as to what has to happen for me to make this transition in my mind and my attitude.

My actions are now going to start affecting myself and another person. My mistakes harm me and my wife. Any blessings that touch me now also bless my wife. Any risks I take also put my wife at risk at well. I'm used to having the ability to "go all in" when I see potential, I won't be able to do that because someone else's well being depends on my decisions.

The last month and a half has been a growing experience, I've been stretched more than I could have possibly imagined. God's shown me His power, His mercy, His grace and His love. The community around me has shown me what a Christian community is by convicting me of my wrongdoings and loving me even though I fall.

The next eight months are going to be a wild ride...

Talk sense into me!

2006-07-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

Why should me and Kathy wait until next year to get married?

We started joking around with the idea of getting married in September-but I can't think of a reason NOT to! Anyone? Talk some sense into me! alex.branning@gmail.com

A Little Story of Our Big Night

2006-07-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

I took Kathy out to dinner at the local Outback restaurant for our five-monthiversary. My original plan was to sing to her in the restaurant and propose in front of all the diners eating - but I just wasn't feeling it as the night went on. So after we ate our amazing steak dinner (me and Kath are both lovers of steak) I took her to the Botanical Gardens to "walk around."

We walked around and enjoyed the scenery, oohing and ahhing over the flowers - and then I found it. The perfect spot to propose; an enchanting little, circular area surrounded by flowers with two "love seats" on the outside and a statue in the middle. We sat down on one of the love seats and then I said "Oh! I want to sing to you..."

I got up to sing her our song (If You're Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield)..and froze! I had a hard time breathing, I was SOOO nervous. After I mustered up the courage, I sang her the first eight lines of the song-that's all I remembered. I didn't sound that good, but she was beaming. I brought her up for a hug, we embraced for a few minutes, then I got the ring out of my pocket and got down on one knee. I said:

"Kathy. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to go to sleep looking at you, wake up next to you, and live my life with you. Will you marry me?"

And then I brought out the ring - and started to put it on the wrong hand!! *blush* She laughed, led me to the right finger, and the ring slid on perfectly. It was so great!

A little clarification on my last post

2006-06-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

The reason I'm publically stating me and Kathy's previous problems and our new boundaries is to increase the transparency and openness of our relationship. Kathy is a leader in a minstry that demands transparency and accountability; I am involved in a men's group that promotes honesty about the struggles we're facing.

Some have expressed concern that by publishing our problems we are opening ourselves up to "attack" by people with ulterior motives. We can't act based on what-if scenarios or let fear hold us back on what we know we should do.

Why I'm Still Dating Kathy

2006-06-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Over the past four months my relationship with Kathy has consistently come under scrutiny; most of it has been legitimate concerns but there's been some negative banter sprinkled in there from people with ulterior motives. My move out here and me and Kathy's struggles have caused the volume of the concerns to rise, so I figured I would address some of the many concerns in a blog so I can write out my answers and have a digital "round table" discussion with my friends.

Concern #1: My Move Out Here
There were numerous concerns raised by my move out here, most of which have been disproven over time. The most prevalent concern was I am "ceding control" of our relationship by moving out here. The underlying reasoning is that by me moving out here and changing my life for our relationship that I was assuming the "submissive" role and bowing down to Kathy's desires. The first flaw in this argument is that Kathy didn't ask me to come, I took the initiative; secondly me and Kathy are not in a "betrothed" relationship so there are no submissive roles. If me and Kathy were married (or one could argue once we're engaged) then my leadership role becomes more clearly defined. As it stands right now me and Kathy are two individuals in a committed relationship getting to know each other and exploring the possibility of marriage, so the marriage roles aren't in effect. I have to earn Kathy's trust and respect so that I will have her trust and respect once we have entered into the marriage relationship. I don't want to have to demand her respect, I want to earn it over time - starting now. My move out here displayed my sacrificial love and servant's heart, she can see that I'm serious about her and I'm serious about us. I am doing what it takes to win her heart and to further our relationship.

Concern #2: Our Physical Relations
For those of you in the know, me and Kathy have been struggling a little bit in our physical relationship. Many people have questioned my leadership in the relationship and whether or not I can rescue our relationship from the slippery slope we're on now. To those of you who have expressed concern: you have every right to worry. Me and Kathy are working vigilantly to purify our relationship, and we are taking the necessary steps in order to save our relationship and make it pleasing to God. I have surrounded myself with community, both here in Evanston and back home in the Antelope Valley. Me and Kathy have set new boundaries, which I will share with you at the end of this blog. We're going to be starting pre-engagement counseling as soon as possible and will be working together to restore our relationship's purity.

So that's the update, I hope that answers your questions and calms your worries. If you have more questions that you want me to answer, post them here and I'll answer them - as long as they have nothing to do with weddings and engagement plans! ;)

Me and Kathy's Boundaries:
No alone time in a bedroom for longer than fifteen minutes
No "petting" on or around private areas - we need to work not to arouse the other

Where You lead me, I will follow...so go ahead and lead me now!

2006-06-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

As I was worshipping last night to a worship song with the words, "Lead me Lord and I will follow, Lead me Lord and I'll go" I started reflecting on my life and what those words mean. I believe I've been able to "hear" God's voice the past five years of my life, and when I believe He's instructing me I tend to obey with little hesitation. He wanted me to quit my job and start my business, done; He wanted me to change my wardrobe and music, done; He wanted me to use all my profits for Evolution Is Impossible, done; He wanted me to drop everything and move to Evanston, done.

Now I'm in Evanston and wondering what's next. What is God going to do with me and Kathy? What is God going to do with my spiritual walk? What is God going to teach me out here? What's next? I know that Evanston is a temporary thing and I'm supposed to be moving back to California sometime, but when is that time?

Me and Kathy are starting to talk where we'd live if we got married. There's really only two options at this point: Evanston and the Antelope Valley. In lieu of a clear direction from God, how does one decide where to live? I think the best way to decide where God wants you is to find out where you would best be used. If I can be better used in Evanston, I need to stay here. Another way to figure out where God wants you to live is to decide where you'll grow more in your walk with God; if you're in a stagnant place in your walk with God the best thing for you to do may be to move (although this is a very extreme way of shaking up your life!).

I am desperately searching for answers, especially now that things seem to be pulling me in both directions! I just got a new job out here in Evanston, Kath just got a raise and a promotion. I'm learning new things out here and my spiritual walk has been given new life. Me and Kath have gotten much closer as a couple and really strengthened our relationship. But there's a job opening for me in the Antelope Valley in September, Kathy's rent is up in September and I feel like the ministry opportunities out here are lacking a little bit for me and Kath.

These times of confusion are really the most exciting times because they make you lean on God, if you have no stability you're forced to lean on the Rock.

How's Chicago?

2006-06-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

I want to give y'all a run-down of what's been happening in Chicago (actually Evanston, directly north of Chicago), Illinois. Well, I got in here late Friday night and just crashed on Kathy's couch. We were pretty pooped, spending three days in a car will wipe you out! We spent all day Saturday at a wedding, decorating for it in the morning and enjoying the festivites in the afternoon. Seriously, weddings are becoming a theme of our relationship: we met at a wedding and now we spent our first day together in the same city at a wedding! Crazy!

The wedding went great, we had a great time dancing and hanging out with her friends. It's weird for me right now because all of the social situations I'm in are new social situations, I don't really know anyone really well yet. But more on that later....

Sunday was my first church service at Evanston Vineyard (Kathy's church) and it was great. I got to meet more people, we had some great worship and made it through a rather boring sermon on Prayer. Sunday afternoon was our first opportunity to just hang out, we set up my apartment and got me all unpacked. It was sweet. At church, a guy that I met before I moved out here (Tommy) gave me an air mattress and pump - what a life-saver!

Monday was my first weekday in Evanston. I spent the majority of the day looking for a job, finishing up my apartment and getting to know Evanston. It was really relaxing! Monday night I attended my first meeting of a Men's Group I was invited to; the topic of the Men's Group is relationships - perfect, I know! Anyway, it was really cool and I feel like I started to bond with some of the guys out here.

Tuesday was a real work day, I was very determined to get things accomplished. I did more job-hunting, returned a lot of calls and caught up on my emails. Nothing really exciting happened, but in the afternoon Kath started coming down with a real bad stomach pain that would keep her at home all day Wednesday. I spent a large part of Wednesday just babying Kath and getting her well again so she could go back to work on Thursday.

I went with her to Downers Grove (the city she works in) on Thursday to spend the day down there, just relaxing. I needed a day where I had nothing to do, and this was a good opportunity for me to do that. I spent the morning reading Ann Coulter's new book at the local Barnes and Noble, had lunch with Kath and spent the afternoon at the local library. Sweet! Then last night me and Kath went to the local mall just to try on clothes and hang out. It was really fun!

I feel like the Lord is blessing my socks off out here. I've really connected with some guys out here and it's only been a week. I feel like I'm starting to become a part of the community out here, I feel like I belong. Kath has done a great job introducing me to people and letting me make my own connections and establish myself as an individual. This move has already really strengthened me and Kath's relationship and brought us closer together as a team and as a unit. I miss you guys in the Antelope Valley, but I know God has something really special for me out here - I just don't know what yet. :)

Headed on the Highway, Looking for Adventure!

2006-06-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

This is a day-by-day recollection of me and Kath's crazy journey across the country! Sit back and enjoy...

Wednesday:
We left Wednesday morning about five in the morning. We packed the previous night, my poor little Saturn (later named Willy) was packed to the brim! Before I left my mom gave me a tearful good-bye and me and Kath were off, driving into the sunrise. The drive started off very easy and we got out of California without any difficulty.
We enterered Nevada when the sun was still rising and got into Vegas about ten. Kath had never seen Vegas before so we stopped and walked the strip. More on our Vegas trip later, we did something a little crazy.
We got out of Vegas and headed east towards Utah. Nevada's actually a really boring state once you get past Vegas! There's really nothing there except a few small towns...disappointing! Me and Kath were in Utah for about 400 miles and saw maybe five or six towns. It wasn't uncommon for us to see a sign saying "Salinas next right - no services next 100 miles." To say Utah was a barren wasteland is being very nice. We *did* get some good tanning in some National Forest in Utah, it was sweet! We were eager to get out of Utah and into civilation, but we kept stopping to take in the sights so we ended the day about four hours behind schedule and got out of Utah around nine. We stopped at a Super8 motel and went to bed.

Thursday:
We got back on the road about nine in the morning and headed east. We hit the Rockies around noon, the mountains were gorgeous! The ski season had recently ended so there were waterfalls around almost every corner, it was a very romantic drive. We stopped to see one of Kath's old friends in a nearby town, stayed for about an hour and then took off. Well, Kath's friend gave bad directions so we ended up losing an hour. We barely got out of Colorado before the day was over and stayed in a podunk town in Nebraska called...Ogallala! There's a great hotel there called "Grey Goose Lodge" that provided free breakfast, an outdoor pool and double beds. It was sweet! We got a great night's sleep...

Friday:
Our last day on the road! We were excited to get back to Illinois, but we were having a blast the entire trip! We both like to sing at the drop of a hat, so we would break out in an appropriate song with great comedic timing. We were having a great time just enjoying each other's company! We were having some great conversations, we made a lot of progress in our relationship and got to know each other a lot better. Anyway, so we got through the bajillion cornfields in Nebraska and entered Iowa about lunchtime. Iowa was lame. We got to Illinois around six-ish and grabbed some chinese food for dinner. We could taste home, so we kept going. We finally arrived at Kath's house at nine on Friday night. Pictures to follow!

"Red Bull" Christians

2006-05-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Studying Acts 13, we see some awesome church growth and great examples of what it means to be a powerful Christian. The first thing I noticed is that the believers were high-performance believers! The first church had a *vision* and a plan for action. Churches must have a vision if they want to see success, energy not directed is energy wasted. This principle applies in our personal lives as well, more on that later.

The early church persevered in the face of defeat, they wouldn't allow setbacks to deter them from their mission. How easy it is to give up in the face of trials, throw up our hands when we sense we may lose or walk away when the going is a little tougher than we thought. The early church didn't exist to survive, it's purpose was to thrive! One of the most common traps Christians face is the attitude of complacency: "I'm doing great! I'll stay just like this." After one victory, the church moved on to win more battles; they never stood still on the battlefield for souls. They overcame the heartaches, they overcame the defeats and they overcame the persecution. They were winners with the mindset of a winner, they lived Romans 8:28, they knew they were made to be victorious!

Revelation 21:7 - God rewards those who overcome
1 Cor 15:57 - God gives us victory!
Revelation 2:26 - God gives authority to those that overcome
Romans 8:37 - We are more than conquerors, we are victors!

To become powerful Christians we must wholeheartedly believe what we live. At first glance, you may think: "Believe what we live or live what we believe?" Those of us that have given our lives to Christ attempt to live according to His Word; but I fear some of us don't wholeheartedly believe what it says. We read that we are victors, we strive to survive instead of thrive; we read God wants us to be prosperous, we're content with our measly wages; and we read that we are being watched over and taken care of, yet we worry about tomorrow. We read in James 1 that double-mindedness, or doubts, cause us to lose blessings from the Lord. Doubters never prosper.

Lastly, you know if you're not living a powerful Christian walk if you're not evangelizing. What Christianity are you living if it's not exciting enough to tell others about? I leave you with this passage from 1 Peter 1:5-9:

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins."

Five years ago

2006-05-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

Twenty-five things about me five years that are no longer true now! I was seventeen years old...

1. I hated my job
2. I had very few friends
3. I was depressed....very depressed
4. My goal in life was to become rich and powerful
5. I didn't enjoy church
6. I was lonely
7. I was afraid of love (and pretty much any other positive emotion)
8. I looked at porn daily
9. I drove a Ford Escort
10. I was fat
11. I felt ugly
12. I was shy around women because I was fat and ugly
13. I drank close to two liters of Moutain Dew every day
14. I didn't respect my parents
15. I didn't care about what anyone thought of me
16. I had very poor spending habits
17. I enjoyed hurting women so they could feel the pain my mom caused me
18. Me and Denny weren't close friends; I hadn't even met Kyle yet
19. I didn't want God's plan for my life - and I didn't even know what it was!
20. I cussed a lot
21. I lacked confidence in myself, but I was cocky about my abilities
22. I was angry
23. I didn't want accountability, I thought I enjoyed my life and didn't want change
24. I had no peace...
25. I had no love in my life; love was foreign to me.

At 18 years old I turned my life over to Christ and everything changed.

Bye Bye Lancaster

2006-05-11T14:38:00.000-07:00

A part of me passed away today
The part of me that pushed you away
The little voice that told me "No"
The caution that told me not to go

That part of me is gone, for now
I wanted to hold back but I didn't know how
I was afraid of the pain you'd bring
Terrified you'd make my cry again

But now I know what true love is like
Everything about us just feels so right
I hope I'm not wrong about you
I hope your love is nothing but true

Cuz I've got nothing left, I've given all to you
I have no regrets about what I'm about to do
Leaving the world as I know it
Don't know how else to show it
I love you with all of my heart

Don't let this become reality

2006-05-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

I'm standing at your grave today
You're going down in the ground
I'm sorry I couldn't help take your pain away
I guess it's a week too late now
I was always there for you even though I was away
You should've just picked up the phone
Left a message, vented a little, would've been ok
I'm fighting the tears, holding them inside
This hurts so much to see you go like this
Why did you have to take your own life?

The emotions flow from one side to the other
I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm confused and pissed at you
We were best friends, no we were like brothers
I never left your side, my friendship was true
This is how it had to end
I scream inside, Why! I hate you!
It's a lie, I never hated I was always loving you
Even when you were unloveable and cruel
You knew I was always going to be there for you
You would've liked to see the pain you caused today
It would make you realize you were loved, in a sick way
But now it's over, this is the end
I'm the last to leave your side even though you're gone
I was, and will always be, your best friend

Christian pick up lines

2006-05-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

My blog needs some loving, so here's a fluffy blog for ya...

1. Nice bible.

2. You know Jesus? Hey, me too!

3. No, I'm not coveting. I intend to make you mine.

4. I've prayed about it and God wants you to go out with me.

5. I know a great church where we could go and talk.

6. Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are like doves and your neck like the tower of David?

7. Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

9. Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

10. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

11. I just don't feel called to celibacy.

12. Hey..for you I'd work seven years. Oh, yeah, and seven more for your sister!

13. The Bible says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry".... so how about dinner?

14. I'm pretty flexible--I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date.

15. You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?

16. You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa. (DO NOT get this one confused!)

17. What do you think Paul meant when he said, "Greet everyone with a holy kiss"?

18. Hey baby, you wanna take the church van for a spin.

19. Do you believe in Divine appointment?

20. You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism.

21. Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

22. My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name.

23. Before tonight, I never believed in predestination...

24. I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight.

25. What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.

26. I practice our mission to "Love one another" to the fullest extent

27. When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "Rejoice and be Glad"

29. What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?

30. Hi, my name's Will...God's Will

31. God broke the mold when He made your sweet face.

32. I didn't know angels flew this low.

33. I'd pick you over Satan any day.

34. God was just showing off when He made you.

35. [check the person's shirt tag] "just as i thought... made in heaven.

Fear of Failure

2006-04-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

One of the most powerful forces in our lives is fear - fear of pain, fear of loss and fear of failure. The most pressing concern is the fear of failure, because we feel we have never quite reached success. Even the people that are widely seen as "successful" are almost never content with their accomplishments and must strive for more. Why is that? What is this fear, and why does it cripple us? No, why do we allow it to cripple us?

I think the first thing to do before examining the effects of the fear of failure is to define failure. Most verbally equate "failure" with poverty or lack of popularity - but in our minds we connect failure with not doing the best we can. Failure is falling short of what we know we're capable of. How can we conquer this fear? Can we conquer this fear? I believe the answer is yes we can, and I think I found out how.

For the non-Christians, they will be dragged down and depressed by this fear for the remainder of their lives. For those of us who have committed our lives to Christ, we have an easy solution that is almost impossible for most to grasp: devote our lives to Christ. Many Christians will scoff, "I did that the moment I prayed the 'Sinner's Prayer.'" Giving lip service to Christ and actually following Him are two completely different paths which lead to completely different results. Those that have devoted their lives to Christ feel an overwhelming peace and a satisfaction that they are doing the very best they can with what they've been given. Each person has their own talents and gifts; it's up to God to let us know how to use them in the most fulfilling way. Note that I didn't use the phrase "most lucrative way" or "most praise-worthy way." I don't think money equals happiness, nor do I think that fame or praise brings you joy. Sure, it may bring temporary satisfaction, but then your human desire for more kicks in. You want more money, more fame, more fill-in-the-blank.

If we devote our lives to Christ and follow His leading in our lives, we will lead a fulfilling life. A life that is peaceful because we know He has a perfect plan for our lives. A life that is lucrative, because we know that He'll take care of us - and what is money without the security of knowing all your needs will be taken care of? If we devote our lives to Christ He will surprise us by taking us places we'd never dreamed of being. He will look at your measly plans and say "throw those out and follow Me." Devoting your life to Christ is so much easier said than done. It requires an impossible amount of self-control and servitude. Without the understanding that your life is for a much bigger purpose than your own pleasure you will constantly be questioning what God is doing, doubting his omniscience and sovereignty. Without devoting your life to Christ your life will be a miserable failure.

Random Facts!

2006-03-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

Random Facts About Alex

I saw someone that did this and thought it was a great idea. So here's a few random facts about me in no particular order...

1. I have always been the guy girls cry on, not about
2. I don't mind that at all
3. I do not like "manly" things like shooting, fighting or wrestling. You're stronger than me, get over it.
4. I enjoy randomly complimenting people because I know how much encouragement means to people...I'm really not flirting with you.
5. I thought "Titanic" was a great movie...I've seen the second half of that movie over twenty times
6. I have terrible luck with cops, I've been pulled over about nine times
7. I've only gotten three tickets, cops just enjoy pulling me over to search my car
8. I sing in my car when I'm alone
9. I believe people when they say the see ghosts...but I think people are being fooled into seeing things that don't exist
10. I almost never get angry, but I get annoyed easily
11. I have almost no compassion for the homeless, and that's not a cool thing
12. I have never met a celebrity
13. I am a virgin and proud of it
14. I've been propositioned for sex like five times...thanks but no thanks
15. I am not gay
16. I don't respond well to compliments, they make me awkward
17. I think marriage is an awesome thing and I would love to get married someday
18. ...but I'm afraid of getting hurt by a divorce so I shy away from all relationships
19. I was extremely suicidal when I was 16
20. I was a fat kid for about two years and had to develop a personality and humor to make chic friends
21. Then I lost the weight, got pretty and my friendships faded because it got weird
22. When we were growing up me and my sister were best friends
23. Now we hardly talk to each other...
24. Of all the relationships in my lifetime that have collapsed, my sisters' is the one I'm most ashamed of
25. I think smokers are disgusting and unattractive
26. I had a bad experience with an alcoholic relative when I was 12 years old and bowed I would never drink
27. I broke that vow when I was 18 and hated myself for it for months
28. I have a gambling problem - I usually win and that doesn't help at all
29. I have a thing for funny girls
30. Some guys are "leg" guys, I'm an "eye" guy
31. I enjoy hiking but pretend I don't because I'm lazy
32. I only date Christians
33. I view money as simply a tool and not something to be desired
34. I've seen people throw their lives away in pursuit of money
35. I was one of those people
36. I am very shy if I'm in a new surrounding
37. I am the life of the party if I'm comfortable
38. I have no compassion for self-mutilators
39. I am a news junkie
40. Really loud noises make me blink
41. Baby blue is my favorite color
42. I love rap music
43. I hate hard-core, screaming music
44. I don't believe in love at first sight
45. I don't believe there is "the one" for me
46. I can't stand raisins
47. I drink way too much soda
48. I forgot my mom's birthday this year
49. If I brought my step-brother to Christ I could die happy
50. I would die if that's what it took for him to be saved
51. I would die if that's what it took for my sister to be saved
52. I think President Bush has done a great job
53. I think "global warming" is a hoax
54. I would rather hang out with a funny girl than a "sexy" girl
55. If I tease you I'm comfortable around you
56. If I ignore you then you intimidate me
57. I cry watching emotional movies...I'll leave the room before I break down tho
58. I do my best to avoid movies with nudity
59. I will not swim in the same pool as girls with two-pieces on...I'm not strong enough
60. I think I'm good-looking
61. I don't think I deserve any credit for it...I had no choice in the matter
62. Girls that flaunt their bodies disgust me
63. Guys that stare at girls like meat disgust me
64. Sometimes I stare at girls like meat and disgust myself
65. I love playing sports even though I'm not very good at any of them
66. I love watching sports with other people, never alone
67. I would rather go to a baseball game than watch it on TV
68. I never want to be a celebrity
69. I look up to my dad
70. I am scared of the dark
71. I am scared of heights but love roller coasters
72. Fake people amuse me, I pity them
73. I was told I was a great actor because I became the character
74. I had a hard time going back to being me so I quit acting
75. I live in holy fear of straying off the narrow path into a life of promiscuity and emptiness

Easter

2006-03-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna go spend time with my princess at Easter! Sweet!