Headship in Marriage

One of the most controversial teachings in the Scriptures is the idea of the husband being the head in the marriage; this heirarchy structure has been ridiculed and scorned as being sexist and degrading to women while giving men an excuse for a power trip. With the help of a book I'm reading; I've really started to develop a better idea of what this heirarchy is supposed to look like and how each spouse plays a role in making it work.

The husband needs to be given respect to affirm his manhood; but he can't demand it. He needs to earn his respect, his role in the marriage is a God-given responsibility and he needs to stand up to the challenge and not abuse his role. There are men that want to rule their house like a dictatorship, there are men that want to rule as kings, and there are men that want to rule as the Boss in the home. But the husbands are meant to be like Christ, and to lead like Christ led. Christ led through servanthood, and in return his disciples obeyed Him and His followers respected Him.

The wife has responsibilities as well, her role in the home is equally as important and equally as valuable. She needs to uplift and encourage her husband; for what good is a husband without self-esteem or confidence in his decisions? She also needs to respect her husband and show that respect in tangible ways so that the husband knows he's being respected, men need respect more than they need love.

Both partners have a responsibility to encourage the other, motivate the other in their spiritual walks and keep each other accountable. Neither spouse has a greater or lesser role in the relationship; but they have different roles and different responsibilities.

Things I love about Chicago

As much as I complain about being out here in Illinois and not being able to see my friends and family back home, there are some things about Chicago that I absolutely love!

1) The skyline. When I get off the train, I get to see the Hancock Tower; on my way to work I pass by numerous buildings engraved in history, and the Sears Tower can be seen from my window. It's awesome!

2) The clean air. For a big city, Chicago's air is amazingly clean. It's never hard to catch a full breath out here, like it is in LA.

3) The food! Chicago is famous for its food, and rightfully so! The deep-dish pizzas are amazing and they have some of the best restaurants I have ever been to.

4) The church. We have a great church out here, I love the Evanston Vineyard. The worship is great, the Spirit is really moving in that church and there's a lot of wisdom in the people.

5) The girl. I get to see Kathy every day! Yay!

6) The job. I love my job. I don't think I'll ever find a job with this mix of relaxation, challenge, comfort and encouragement that I find in this job. It's great.

Of course, I'm very excited to move back to California; but I wanted to share some of the really positive things about Chi-town! :)

1 Peter 3:7

"You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

This verse blew me away. If I am getting the correct interpretation it says that if the husband doesn't treat his wife with understanding and honor his prayers will be hindered! The way a man treats his wife directly relates to how his Lord responds to his prayers! As I reflected on this verse, I was trying to form a definition of the word honor, but couldn't quite come up with anything. So I found an online dictionary and this is what I found [definitions unrelated to marriage have been omitted]:

hon‧or
1. honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions: a man of honor.
2. a source of credit or distinction: to be an honor to one's family.
3. high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: to be held in honor.
5. high public esteem; fame; glory: He has earned his position of honor.
13. to hold in honor or high respect;
14. to treat with honor.

So if I do not treat my wife with honesty, fairness, respect, and am not an integrous husband my prayers will be hindered. I have to get to work, but this passage is amazing!

Christ Talking About Marriage

...[A]t the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

This block of verses packs a lot of punch; we learn a lot about what God thinks about marriage. I'll analyze each phrase:

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife"
When the time comes to get married; the man (me) needs to leave his previous family and start a new family with his wife. I think that "leaving his father and mother" is not only implying the physical location but also the level of emotional attachment to the previous family. I am now not supposed to rely on Mom and Dad for support and encouragement, I need to rely on my wife.

"and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one"
The idea of two people becoming one flesh is a deep topic; I may address it later. There are also implications for a sexually active individual and the things an unrepentant sexually active person brings into a marriage.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
I believe Christ is not only addressing divorce, but adultrey and seperation as well. If one of the partners is adulterous in action or thought, they have put a huge wedge into the relationship; seperating the two people in marriage.

Why I'm (Still) Living in Illinois

Many of my closest friends back home have all asked me why I am still living in Illinois. There are many good reasons to question my decision to live out here; I've faced many challenges and my spiritual life has been dealt many self-inflicted setbacks. I wanted to post my reasoning for staying out here, they are put in order of most importance:

Reason 1: God's Call
I believe God called me out here; and I believe God gave me a specific date to come back (June of next year). Since I have heard what I interpreted to be God's voice on both occasions, and the commands were very specific, I am obeying. Me and Kathy are moving back in June of next year, the only reason I would move back sooner is if me and Kathy fell into sexual sin (we would need to be apart to purify ourselves for marriage).

Reason 2: Running From My Issues Won't Help
Yes, I have faced many uphill battles out here; and I've lost quite a few. I have been tempted with new pleasures, enticed by new opportunities and teased with new adventures. My actions have resulted in numerous spiritual setbacks and a lot of pain; but if I ran from them I would confront them again in California. God has told me to stay out here, he wants me to fight these battles in an uncomfortable "War Zone" away from my support system. I don't know why, but He does.

Reason 3: I Promised Kathy I Would Stay
I promised Kathy I would stay out here while we were engaged, unless we fell into sexual sin. Period.

Bumps in the road of life

The road less travelled isn't as smooth as the wide road

Jealousy

There are many irrational emotions we all feel from day-to-day, all of them begin as something small but left unchecked can become an all-consuming vacuum on our minds. One of the strongest of these is jealousy.

Jealousy is a trait of our LORD (Exod. 20:5 - "I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God") and He is consumed by jealousy for our love; and I'm afraid men on earth can take on the same attitude. The difference is God is love; He embodies love and His love is unconditional. Men on earth are evil, and jealousy leads them to do harmful things when consumed by jealousy's ever-wanting flame (Prov 6:34 - "jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge"). In fact, jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, and is listed as an act of one living in sin in Galatians 5:19-21:

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like."

How does one overcome this? I found a great quote online:

"Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person she really is."

As you may have guessed, I am struggling with jealousy. I've never dealt with this before, so these feelings are foreign and I lack the knowledge to fight back. Please don't leave a comment, email me with any notes or tips you have.