Let's talk about Santa

It's that time of year again, and all through my office building Christmas songs blare out and tell me more about this 'Santa' guy than I want to know. This guy has got to be the most twisted perv in the world. Why? Here's the facts (as I heard them):

1) He wants to give gifts to all the children of the world - no adults, only children.
You say, "how cute" I say how gross! I don't want an old, strange man giving gifts to my kids!

2) He sneaks in everyone's house after dark
If that doesn't give you the creeps I don't know what does.

3) "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"
OK, seriously...this guy has some major voyeuristic issues...and he's watching little kids!! Hello??

4) He greets everyone by calling them a "ho" three times
This Santa guy has very little respect for women, or thinks everyone isa prostitute

5) He stays away in some far off land with only his antelered-friends and plans his one-night excursion
So he plots all year-round for this one night of "free toys for children"?

6) He wants all the little boys and girls to sit in his lap
...need I say more?

Great Sex is not an activity; it's a conversation

I have done a pretty extensive "study" on great sex; and I have no one to share it with! So I figured I'd blog it and let the world in on what I've found. Heck, it's a fun topic to talk about! ;)

Talking to sexually-active males, I've found two basic attitudes about it:

1. Sex is all about me getting my orgasm
2. Sex is all about us getting our orgasms

Neither attitude is right or wrong; they're just different. Both attitudes come out of each individual at one point or another, but one is always stronger or more prevalent. Some guys think their goal is mutual satisfaction; but they really are just after getting their orgasm and getting some encouragement along the way.

I think the difference between the two attitudes is how the sexual experience is viewed: either it's an activity for fun or a conversation between two bodies. If it's an activity, there's a goal in mind. If it's a conversation; there is a lot of "listening" and reacting to the other person's actions.

I've found the best sex is achieved when the two people are having a conversation with their bodies; the conversation can be angry, passionate, excited, love, soft, etcetera.

The life of a good guy sucks until you die

Every path in life that we choose has painful consequences; obviously some are more painful than others. The only path in life that I can talk about from experience is the life of the "good guy"; which most people wrongly assume is the bland, easy way to get through life.

Yes, most good guys do not make many enemies by directly interfering with their life; but we still make enemies. Some dislike me for the direction in life I did not take because it means that there was a choice to go down the road they took. Going against the grain and not giving into temptation pisses a lot of people off and alienates "friends" who think that with the right amount of pressure you can be changed to become just like them.

By nature, the "good guy" doesn't hurt women; but we usually have to help clean up the messes. Good girls usually go for the bad boys before they settle down with the man they want to spend the rest of their life with. The good guys reward? Being the last in a list of lovers.

The stories of hot, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex burned my ears, wet my appetite and was thrust in my face, but I never went for it. My reward? Nothing but some congratulatory "high fives". Was it worth it? It will be after I die and get to hear "well done," but until then the pain and regret pound in my chest.

Staying away from parties was never hard, but I wonder what I missed.

When my child comes up to me and asks me which path in life will cause the least amount of pain, I have no idea what answer to give. If life had only two paths or good or bad; I know that the good is pain without memories; while the bad is pain with memories. Pick your poison, I guess.