Why bother going to church?

Are you bored of hearing the same lessons, over and over again? I am.

Are you tired of wondering if the person you're speaking with is who they say they are, or an entirely different person on this one day of the week where we gather together under the Christian banner? I am.

Have you wondered if going to church is a necessary exercise or just a boring habit you do because you're supposed to? I have.

Have you wonderered what your life would be like without church; and came to the conclusion that it would be better?

I believe every Christian comes to a place in their life when they start to wonder if the weekly gathering is really a necessary part of their life. Maybe the questions begin because they're bored with the experience. Maybe the weeks pass by without attending a service and you don't notice a change in your life. Maybe you've done something you're ashamed of and decided to not go back. Maybe something terrible has happened to you and you withdrew from God's house and the people that claim to follow Him.

I've been through every situation I listed above, and each time I stopped going to church. I didn't notice a big difference right away, but over time (and in hindsight) I saw what church did to me. It made me a better person. Some people attend church weekly out of habit, and it is nothing more to them than an exercise in puffing themselves up or fooling themselves into thinking that they're ok.

I go to church because I know that the sermon I will hear will contain truth, conviction and good news (if they don't find another church). I go to church because there are a few people there that encourage me in my daily life to be the best person I can be...not the most successful, but the best. I go to church because I need it.

Why do you attend (or not attend) church?

How having a little girl has changed me

I didn't expect having a little girl would change my view of the "big girls" but I was wrong. Holding Ali's little body in my arms after a bath and seeing women with no respect for themselves it really puts reality into perspective: these women were once the treasured little girl of a dad like Ali is to me now. I know it sounds really cheesy, but having a little girl has made me look at other women in a different light.

Ali has also really softened me as a person; I can tell that I'm much more patient now. She has a way of breaking my selfish spirit, hearing her seemingly endless cries of pain would take my nerves to the breaking point and I could feel my anger start to creep up, even though it wasn't her fault that she was ruining my night's sleep. I slowly began to have a change of heart; and while I'm nowhere near being a completely understanding man I have much, much more sympathy for her which has given me more patience outside of fatherhood. I was (and still am, if I'm honest with myself) a pretty selfish guy so to have this little butterball interfere with my sleep schedule and my "mommy-daddy" time would infuriate me, but now I can tell that I'm becoming a teensy bit more selfless. It's a process...

Having a little baby (especially an uber cute one) really draws the crowds; and with them the endless barrage of opinions on parenting! I have had to learn to firmly say "No" when people push (and push and push) for me to do parenting their way. It's made me a stronger man and forced me to learn how to deal with potential conflicts in a much more diplomatic manner. An added benefit: Kathy finds me standing up for my family and our beliefs is hot. ;)

Updates and Thoughts (holy crap I've posted 100 blogs on this thing!)

UPDATE: We bought a new car! We got a beautiful blue 2003 Dodge Durango from CarMax; and we had a -great- car-buying experience. I highly recommend CarMax to anyone.

THOUGHT: I hate that I like the new Miley Cyrus song, "See you again"

UPDATE: I "upgraded" my phone to an old Blackberry (Blackberry 7250), it's fun. :)

THOUGHT: The movie Baby Mama is HILARIOUS!! "(pump fists on both sides of head) WOO WOOO!" ... LOL

UPDATE: Ali is 8 weeks old today and is the cutest baby ever...I love her more than anything in the world (besides Kathy)

THOUGHT: Great point from Pastor Chris' sermon - "A great way to find out what areas in your own life that you're struggling in is to take account of the faults you consistently point out in others."

UPDATE: My sis is in town and got to meet Ali, very cool to see my sis again

THOUGHT: I highly recommend that all of my friends have babies - they will break your spirit and crush all of your selfish tendencies and you'll be a better person because of it. :)

UPDATE: I'm sort of moving towards managing my own project at work - very very cool

THOUGHT: Whoever said that your dreams stop when you have a kid is an f-ing idiot. My dreams have only gotten bigger

UPDATE: I am embracing/dealing with my inner nerd

THOUGHT: I love spoiling my wife

Kathy

I gotta write a blog praising my wife; she has just rocked my world lately. I am so proud of the job she's doing as a mother, she's a natural! I love her firm tenderness with Bean and her never-ending patience with her. Kathy has gone above and beyond to meet my needs and make me feel like a king, even as she's going through a rough time in her life (new baby + gall stones = suckage).

She has kept her quick wit and sense of humor through all the hard times. She has been so brave as she faces all the changes in her body and the drastic steps needed to keep her healthy. She's bounced back from the traumatic birthing process faster than I thought - AND she's lost all her baby weight plus some (how cool!).

I love you Kathy. I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

I spent yesterday morning in the ER

Yesterday I was woken up at 1am by Kathy saying, "Alex, Alex, I'm in pain. It hurts!" She was clutching her stomach, pleading with me to help her make the pain stop. We tried a few different positions and I tried rubbing it, hoping it was a muscle ache or something, but nothing worked. The pain got more and more intense. Kathy started to scream out in pain; and I started getting scared.

Kathy thought that going to the bathroom might help (she was willing to do *anything* at this point to make the pain go away). As she sat down, she started throwing up. Things were getting a lot worse, fast.

I quickly went to the computer, looking up "stomach pain after delivery" thinking it had something to do with her just giving birth; but nothing was coming up. I thought it might have something to do with her appendix or maybe with her organs returning to their original places after delivery. I was on the computer for about three minutes when I heard the screams of pain come back. I gave up trying to fix the problem and decided we had to get help; and it had to be now.

I told Kathy to get ready to go, I'm taking her to the emergency room. I grabbed our sleeping baby (I have no idea how she stayed asleep through this whole thing) and we left our house around 1:45am. As soon as we got in the car the pain went up a notch and she started having a lot of trouble breathing. Kathy was gasping for breath; rolling down the windows trying to get enough oxygen to breathe. At that moment my mind flipped a switch, and I was able to emotionally remove myself from the situation and focus on fixing the problem; and the problem was that my wife's life was in danger and I needed to get help.

I sped from our house to the hospital, covering the ten miles in under seven minutes. Kathy didn't get any better during that time; she was writhing in pain and had no idea what was going on. I pulled up to the Emergency Room and helped her out. She stumbled into the lobby and I grabbed Ali from the back seat (I don't remember putting her in the car, everything was a blur). We raced in and had to fill out paperwork before she could be seen. She was moved to the top of the list and she was attended to pretty quickly. The nurse admitting her asked a series of questions to make sure her life wasn't in grave danger, and said "I'm sorry but you'll have to wait a few minutes while we find a room. Be patient."

We walked back into the emergency room lobby, and Ali woke up. I held her and tried to get her to stay calm, I knew the last thing Kathy needed was a crying baby. Unfortunately Ali was hungry and Kathy was not in the position to feed her; so I grabbed our "emergency food" and started to give Ali some formula - she didn't like it but she dealt with it. After eating, Kathy held Ali close. The pain had begun to subside a little; instead of sharp pains shooting throughout her abdomen and back the pain had become a dull, constant pain. The most endearing moment EVER happened around 2:35am; Kathy was holding Ali and just looking at her. Ali reached out her hand, put it on the spot of Kathy's abdomenen where the pain was and just looked up at her, as if to say "Are you ok?". It was so precious, somehow Ali knew that Kathy hurt right there.

Over the next few hours they ran Kathy through some tests and figured out that Kathy has gall bladder stones. I didn't know this, but it runs in her family. So now we have to be very careful what we eat so we don't "anger the stones" until we find a way to either dissolve them through alternative treatments or remove the gall bladder altogether.

So, that's what happened.

Fatherhood (so far)

I can not believe Ali is only 18 days old. It seems like she's always been in my life; there's a temporary block on my short-term memory without her around (either in Kathy or after birth).

I love my daughter so much. It's a totally irrational love because she doesn't do anything except poo and sleep; but my love is unconditional for her. The moment I held her for the first time my entire paradigm shifted; I was no longer the center of my life. My hopes and dreams all revolve around her now and my focus at work has increased dramatically because I am so driven to succeed for HER and not for me. It's indescribabe.

It's been an awesome eighteen days; but MAN it's a lot harder than I thought! No one bothered to tell me that newborn babies wake up every two hours to feed, so that was an unwelcome surprise :P. I haven't gotten more than five hours of sleep a night since she's been here, it was really taxing on my body (and my nerves) at the beginning, but now my body is adjusting.

My guy friends warned me, "Dude, diapers are gonna suck!" but those aren't that bad. Maybe I just have a high tolerance for for obscenely bad odors and poo-stained baby bottoms?

I can summarize life as a father in one word: selfless. I no longer even have the *option* of just caring about my own needs now that she's here! It's great, I love it! I highly recommend it to everyone; it'll change you for the better or break you (most likely both, honestly).

The birth of Ali

On March 3rd, 2008 my life changed forever. At 4:39pm my daughter Alexandria Victoria joined us, healthy and weighing in at a plump 9lbs 7oz. Of course, those facts just tell the end result, the full story is so rich and full of memories!
At 7am (almost on the dot) on Sunday morning (March 2) Kathy woke up thinking she had to go the bathroom and was met with a gush - her water broke! She woke up with a joyful, "Alex! Alex! My water just broke, oh my gosh! oH MY GOSH!" We both sat there for a second staring at each other with this look of "this is really happening??". A couple hours went by and Kathy hadn't had any contractions, we were starting to get a little antsy. Kathy knew she had a long, hard day ahead of her so she suggested we got get some Jamba Juice so she get a nutritous, easily digested meal before the long, hard delivery process began. On the way to Jamba Juice we picked up her mom and brother; headed to Jamba Juice and came back to the house. On the way back to the house she started to get some very minor contractions. We pulled up to the house, clicked the garage opener button, and...nothing. Hit the button again. Nothing. We didn't bring the set of keys with the house keys on it because we were in such a rush to get out the door, and it's never been a problem before. Come to find out the power to the entire neighborhood was out, so we were locked out of our house!!! On the day that Kathy is giving birth (at home!) we were locked out!! So I took Kathy and her mom to a local coffeehouse so she could sit in a comfortable chair and I took Jimmy with me to Wal-Mart to buy a tool to break into the small side door on our garage. As we were checking out, the cashier looked at us with suspicion: "Ma'am, I'm buying this wrecking bar to break into MY house...my wife is in labor right now, and..." She interrupted, "Y'know what? I don't wanna know!" We completed the purchase, picked up the women and headed back to the house. At the last possible second (after two unsuccessful attempts) the garage door opened and we were able to walk in without causing any permanent damage. Whew!
Kathy took a seat on our recliner and the contractions really started kicking in. Her friends Jenna and Christin were there to encourage her and help her keep her mind off the pain. Hours went by...more people trickled in, we watched some Friends episodes, Kathy baked brownies (yes, while she was in labor Kathy was baking to occupy her mind). I was having a harder time with the impending birth than Kathy was, I was really stressing out! Kathy was calm, and every five to seven minutes she'd stop what she was doing, take some deep breaths and continue on. It was amazing, she was so strong!! Things started getting really interesting around nine PM, when Kathy's midwife showed up.
Justine Backhaus was our midwife, her job is to be there for Kathy during labor to guide, comfort and encourage her. She gave Kathy some tips and left shortly after she arrived because Kathy wasn't that far along in her pregnancy. Justine encouraged me and Kathy to rest; she had been in labor for approximately 12 hours by this point. Me and Kathy laid down to rest, and the contractions started to get really intense. Kathy couldn't sleep if she wanted to, even though she was starting to get exhausted. The contractions got more and more intense; one particular contraction caused her to break the tank of our toilet (bad timing for the contraction to come...). We were instructed to call Justine when the contractions were coming one on top of the other, that would be a sign that things had progressed to the point where it would be almost time to get in the tub. We called Justine around midnight, informing her that the milestone had been reached. By the time Justine got back, she checked Kathy and gave us demoralizing news: Kathy hadn't made any progress in the last 4 hours. Kathy was exhausted, and this news broke her spirit. Justine tried to assure Kathy that she could do this; and I urged her to press on. We re-arranged the bed to make it more condusive for Kathy to rest and be in a good position for the inevitable contractions. Kathy pressed on, and went through five more hours of intense contractions. By this time (7am) she had been in labor for almost 24 hours, had thrown up twice, and her body was beginning to shut down. She couldn't hold down food or liquid, and Justine told me privately that if we didn't see fast progress soon we would have to go the hospital. At this point Kathy refused to give up, fighting through every contraction and doing her best to stay positive. Around 11am another midwife came to assist Justine, and Kathy's body was spent. She could barely keep her eyes open; the only time she looked at me was to express pain. Her eyes screamed "Help me!" and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I began to emotionally break down; excusing myself to the restroom to cry in private. My wife was doing the best she could, but she was going through so much.
One o'clock rolled around, and things were nearing the end. Kathy couldn't take it any more, and her body was still rejecting any nourishment. Justine couldn't insert the IV correctly so we couldn't give Kathy nutrients at all. At this rate, she wasn't going to make it to delivery. Around 3:30pm me and Kathy accepted the inevitable and prepared to go to the hospital. As Kathy was being assisted by her friends and the midwives, I wept in my mom's arms. I was broken.
I drove Kathy to the hospital and we pulled in around 4pm. We were quickly admitted and a nurse came in to check on Kathy. This nurse was cruel and rough, mocking our choice to try and have the baby at home while checking Kathy's dilation with no tenderness or concern for her pain. Kathy was 8cm dilated; this baby was coming quickly. An IV was inserted into Kathy's hand so she could have nourishment and Kathy immediately got a second burst of energy - she could do this! Fifteen minutes after arrival we were wheeled into the delivery room. The room quickly filled with nurses getting ready to catch the baby. Kathy's legs were spread and bent, instrutions were given to grab the handles and lean forward. An oxygen mask was put on her face and all the nurses started shouting instructions. I stayed up by Kathy's head, my mouth inches from her ear and I was whispering encouragements and passing on the instructions to her as she continued on. The big moment came...a nurse called our doctor to inform him that Kathy was to the point of pushing.
Our doctor came in and calmly instructed Kathy to start pushing. Following his cue the nurses around us started shouting out the exact same instructions; which I whispered into Kathy's ear. It took her two attempts before she got the hang of the pushing thing; and she gave it her all. After only two they could see the baby's head, on the fourth her head was out and Ali joined us on the fifth push. We had been in the hospital for 39 minutes, and Ali was here. Kathy did it! No drugs, most of it at home. I was sooo proud! Ali was placed on Kathy's chest after she was cleaned off, and I snapped a picture with my cell phone.
Yay!

Baby pictures!

I am a warrior for my family, my God and myself

I'm reading through a book called "The Blessings of Asher", which goes in depth about the tribe of Asher and the blessings that have been promised to it (it's basically a book talking about Christians and wealth) - and one of the points it made really got me thinking!

"God wants you to go to war for your family and for His battles"

Whoa! From a man's perspective; that sounds awesome! I get to fight for what I believe in, fight to protect my family and for my beliefs. As I day-dreamed about what that entailed I became overwhelmed at the responsibilities that I have as a father; but that's a whole other blog post.

Musings of a life-long religious person

I have been a religious person all of my life; for as long as I can remember. I think I first talked out loud to Jesus when I was five, kneeling by my bedside in my family's apartment in Maryland. Since that time I have followed the teachings of the Bible religiously (no pun intended) and have rigorously defended its' truths and teachings in verbal and written debates.

However, as everything does after a long period of time, my faith has gone stale.

I don't know if there's a time I can pinpoint as to "when" my passion waned or the flame turned to a flicker, but I'm not longer excited about my faith. Do I still believe the same? Yes. Am I doubting the validity of my faith? No. Am I stoked every morning that I have found the Truth and that I have been set free? ...no.

With a cooling of the passion comes a relaxation of the standards or morals that one abides by when following a faith. I've found myself sinning a little easier. I don't mind grabbing a free refill with an old cup, I contemplate sneaking into movies or leaving a restaurant without paying. As petty as those actions are, and even though I don't act on these thoughts, the fact is that two years ago I never would have let these thoughts find a resting place in my mind. Sure, they pass by - but I would quickly escort them out.

So what does this mean? What am I going to do about it? Frankly, I don't know.

I have seen the lives of friends that have come to the same place I am in now and they have walked away from their faith. I don't want to become that person or live that life because it sucks. My once-happy friends that were living in the faith-based "bubble" of restricted actions broke out of that bubble and into a life of sin...and they are so miserable it makes me depressed to hang out with them sometimes. Say what you want to about the restrictions of Bible-based living, but the people I know that follow that lifestyle are happier than those that don't.

In conclusion, I'm going to keep walking the path of righteousness simply for righteousness's sake. I'm not going to change my life, run away from my responsibilities or pursue sin. But I'm not as excited about my lifestyle as I used to be.

The end.

Disclaimer: Only read this if you are married or about to get married...cause it is not appropriate for all eyes.

Sex in Marriage is Awesome/Hard/Fun/Routine/Exciting/etc

I haven't blogged about sex for almost a year! A year ago I had been married for only six months; in the past year I have learned so much about sex (from all angles). I came into married sex with quite a few false expectations and assumptions; and it caused a little strain and a lot of laughter between me and Kath. So I figure, what the hey, I'll share what my false expectations were and what I found to be the case for me and Kathy.

False Expectation Number 1: Sex is an activity
While having sex is an activity; it turns out sex (or at least good sex) is more of a conversation. At first it's really awkward to talk when you're "doing it" but giving your partner instructions and/or encouragement really improves the quality of the experience! When Kathy first gave me orders, I was offended. My thought was something like, "Excuse me, I'm the man so I'm the leader so you just do what I say!" After the, er, experience I realized that if she's enjoying herself I enjoy the sex a lot more. I'm not sure if it's just me, but telling Kathy what to do in the bedroom didn't feel right at first - but after we got in the swing of things we found that giving helpful instructions about what to do really enhanced the sex! Lastly, sex is such an intimate act it cheapens it to just tie "sex" to intercourse when it's so much more than that!

False Expectation Number 2: You're not supposed to talk about sex with other people
If you've hung out with me or Kathy a few times, chances are we've talked about sex at some point. We really enjoy it. But it wasn't always the case, we used to be bashful about it until we opened up one day and realized that -everyone- likes talking about sex but we're all worried that it'll be weird! I have learned quite a bit just from talking to my married friends, it's awesome!

False Expectation Number 3: Sex will just happen
Wow, I was so off on this one. I went into marriage thinking that sex will just happen - I'll look into Kathy's eyes and just know what she wants and vice versa. So not true. There are definitely times when we just look at each other and hastily make our way to the bedroom; but that's not usually how it goes down. Someone once told me, "Alex, sex begins when you wake up and ends that night when you go to sleep." The point this guy was making was that sex is not just the act of sex, but it's an intimacy thing that needs to be massaged all the time so that Kathy feels close to me and wants to be one with me (and vice versa).

False Expectation Number 4: The sex dies after a year of marriage
I heard this so many times it just got drilled into my head: my sex life will collapse after the one-year mark because the "spark" is gone and the newness has worn off. The newness does wear off, but the spark doesn't have to die; but it needs to be fanned into a flame in different ways as the relationship matures. When we first got married hot sex was the norm because of the newness of it; now the great sex comes after a teensy bit more work - but it is so much better than it was when we first started. Don't buy the line that the sex dies, weakens or becomes routine - it doesn't have to; and you need to take responsibility for keeping the spark alive!

False Expectation Number 5: "Quickies" are a no-no
Do not underestimate the power of a quicky. I always heard the term "quicky" with a snarky tone from the ladies, so I assumed it was a bad thing. Sometimes a quicky is a quick-fix for sexual frustration or a lack of closeness. I think a lot of the negative feelings about quickies come from women who only get quickies from their man...bummer.

Goodbye Gadsden Villas; Hello Cerisa Street!

Well our move went surprisingly well! We were able to pack up, load the truck and get everything in our house in six hours (including eating)!! We now have the daunting task of unpacking everything...ouch. Me and Kath had to take a day of rest on Sunday so we could just recuperate, both of us were sick on moving day.

A HUGE thank-you to Kyle, Kristen, Jimmy and my Dad for helping out.

The only that will make it better is a new attitude

I'm writing this to myself...but feel free to listen in on my thoughts! ;)

I'm not sure if it's an American thing or what, but the mindset of "once I accomplish this task" or "get this thing" everything will be better is so prevalent it's sad. It's in my own life, so I empathize with those who suffer from it! Happiness is not achieved or found with a ring on your finger or a new child; stress doesn't leave when your credit cards are paid off and contentment doesn't come about with money in the bank.

Hoping that the next milestone will cure any ailment is a silly notion, but for some reason we keep falling for it. If you're struggling with loneliness, believe me marriage doesn't solve that problem it just gives you a roommate to whine about your loneliness with. If your marriage is suffering adding a kid to the mix won't help! Going off on a rabbit trail, I think adding a kid to the mix amplifies the current state of the marriage - if your relationship is strained it will only get worse; and if you're happy you'll only get happier (don't quote me on that! :P).

Anyways, I'm embarrassed to admit that I find myself ignorantly thinking "once the credit cards are paid off I won't be stressed about finances anymore." What a stupid thought! After the credit cards are paid I'll find some other financial burden to rest on my heart; unless I find contentment with my financial situation.

Pregnancy from a man's perspective

Many of you have been reading Kath's updates on pregnancy and getting a first-hand account of what life is like during pregnancy from her perspective - it's time for the life of pregnancy from a man's perspective!

I get sporadic questions from my guy friends; and they all seem to fit under three categories (guys don't need to know a lot, we just need the basics).

Life Around the House: In the first three months not much changes. After the morning sickness wears off the body starts changing drastically - her hips started widening, her belly grew and her feet went up like three sizes (I remember buying new shoes for her like three times). After month five, WATCH OUT! Kathy's belly grew at an astronomical pace, and her mobility went to zero. I described the change in her body to say this - my work around the house increased quite a bit, and I wasn't expecting it. It wasn't that she didn't want to do stuff around the house, she couldn't! If you're get her pregnant, be prepared to work.

Sex: Your marriage reaches a true test come pregnancy because both of you will reach your limits of sexual frustration. My desire for Kathy grew during the first three months - much to my dismay because her nauseua prevented much action. The pregnant mom's desire and ability to have sex almost comes to a complete stop; but the dad's doesn't. As the dad has to work extra hard around the house, the Mom has to work extra hard to make sure the Dad isn't too sexually frustrated. Kath has gone above and beyond to keep me satisfied, and I love her for it!

Emotions: So far the pregnancy has been an absolute BLAST! I love seeing Kathy grow and her body change to accomate Ali. The pregnancy has been really smooth, and we have had so many fun times. Kath's emotions are on a roller coaster (but not as bad as people said they'd be). The Bible says to be a leader you must be a servant; and this pregnancy has brought out the servant in me!

So that's a very quick overview of pregnancy from a man's perspective.

I learned a life lesson from Sweeney Todd

I did not go to see "Sweeney Todd" with the intent of learning (or being reminded of) a crucial life lesson. I went with the sole intent of being entertained and finding out what the heck a horror musical was. Throughout the movie I was covering my eyes from the gore; but in the last five minutes the life lesson came shining through to me...

SPOILER ALERT!! I AM NOW GOING TO REVEAL THE ENDING OF THE MOVIE!!

At the end, after Sweeney Todd realizes that he killed the very thing he was living for (his wife) he cradles her head in his hands and looks at her with an empty gaze. I was contemplating what could possibly be going through his mind at that moment: disgust with himself, sorrow, bitterness, anger, depression, self-hatred, etc. As he looks at her the young boy Sweeney and the pie maker had taken in grabs Sweeney's weapon of choice and kills him with it! Sweeney had let his hatred and bitterness take over so much that, in the end, it killed everything he held dear including his own life.

The life lesson is this: if you let an emotion or attitude control you it will destroy you. Any emotion, any attitude, any mindset - given enough power of you, will destroy you. Anger, bitterness, lust, hatred, regret, depression, sorrow; even "happy" or "positive" emotions can have a crippling effect on your life!

So, that's it. That's what I learned. I hope I didn't ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it (*blush*).